Returning favours

As medical students, you'd have countless encounters with cadavers in learning anatomy. be it handling prosections, wax specimens, or if you're lucky like us medics in Nottingham, you get to dissect the cadaver with your own bare hands. Ok slash that. Your own gloved hands. ;)

Your experiences would range from cleaning out the fat lobules on various fatty parts of the anatomy, or delicately demonstrate the various muscles, nerves and blood vessels, to scarping out substances from various orifices. All this done baring in mind that it must all be done professionally, in the name of education. It was weird and unsettling at first but as we get into the routine, it was pretty awesome actually; to be able to see touch and explore the organs Nature has cleverly created in all its glory.

You came out each week from the dissection room, with heads held up or low (depending on how the weekly spotter assessment went), not to mention, without failing, smelling like formaldehyde, a wee bit more knowledgeable, and most importantly; grandly more confident in using the scalpel, saws and drills to hopefully help you during the early years of practice later on.


For us in Nottingham this coming week would be the last week of dissection. Like completing a puzzle, organs will be put back into the bodies, dissection tables scrubbed clean and our white coats that we've donned for the last 12 months be passed down to the juniors. As a sign of respect, next week too, we would attend the funerals and say our thank yous personally to the family members of the kind hearted, once-alive bodies that have allowed us to learn many new, exciting things.

After this, we owe them the cadavers one; to be good anatomists and doctors, keep that in mind :)

InsyaAllah

twen-frickin'-ty

i turned 20 on the 14th. Alhamdulillah.
20
two-ooh
i had a wonderful time spending the weekend with Zul and the flatmates. I am so lucky to be blessed with such lovely ppl :) from the bottom of my heart, thanks lovelies.

on a more serious note, 20 it really is a quite scary age to be. you're no longer a teen. youre a -ty aged person now. no more excuse at the back of your head saying 'geez this is too serious a stuff, malas la nak pikir. no matter, i can do it later, ill put it down in my list of to dos b4 20' (okay i know most prolly i je have that kinda lists) but the point is, you're a grown up. And you have to grow up. (well not literally, i cant grow any up dah kot) You have to start taking responsibility and steer your life the way you want it to go. youve got to start thinking what am i gonna do with my life, in what way will i affect the ppl around me, what am i gonna give back to the world. You've get to get up and go. Time flies and the world isnt gonna wait for you. So we've gotto step up.

ps- had a chat with J about the 20hood and stuff and we realised that this decade is most prolly gonna have the most life altering events of our lives maybe. This decade we will make or break in medical school. thus getting a medical degree (insyaAllah) and become doctors! We would start practicing, we might get married and OMG we might even have our 1st children in this decade! Like, seriously!

Better never than late

I was running around the med school looking for my lost Uni Card today between lectures and i came in late for CLS lecture. Dah la lecturer tu Associate Dean of Med School, i pulak dah strategically put my bag n books dead in the middle of the crowded theatre, konon nak get a better view of the ever exciting Lecture pasal stroke.
The lecture was starting, everybody was concentrating. As soon as i entered through the back door je, Prof L from far down below stopped his lecture in the middle of his sentence and looked straight at me. The whole damn lecture went dead silent, and everybody turned their heads round to see what he was looking at. all 300 freaking pairs of eyes bored into my soul with grudging look as ive cause distruption to the lecture. (T_T) I had to climb down the stairs, asked 5 ppl at least to get up and make way for me so i could get to my seat. With all eyes on me, chewah, :D gosh i swear it was the longest 10 seconds in my life. Felt like i was a two headed monster or smthg!
Sorry Prof, Sorry guys!

This kinda love.

I saw an old couple today. They were walking in front of me towards the main entrance of the hospital. The lady wore a knee length brown hooded trench coat while the husband with greying hair wore a matching winter jacket. They walked really slowly. I noticed the lady has varicosed veins on her leg while the old man's foot was a bit edematous. I fastened my pace and walk beside them, not wanting to miss my letcure. Smiled a polite and embarrased smile, replied by their thin lips curved up.

They have their hands clasped to each others' while their other hands gripping tightly to walking sticks. Both wore a single Red Poppy on the chests and have that solemn, calm look on their faces, amongst all those busy medical students and other professionals.

They keep walking and walking, slowly, in the cold November rain, in each others hand. In my eyes, its like whatever the world throws at them, their love and care for each other could never waned. :)

I want this for you and me. I want this for all of us. :)

all the way from london

thank you for your thoughtfulness
thank you for making my day perfect. :)

<3

(and thank you mister F for carrying it around although i know you were very busy yesterday!)

vlog phail

i was watching some vlogs on youtube and i thought hey this is cool i can do that. so i wrote on a piece of paper what i wanna talk about and stuff, put on my tudung and press rec on my lappie. i got thru the first few planned sentences; introduction and stuff. then.... umm well.. i just thought' okay this isnt working.




i shy shy cat lah! vlog is totally not fo me ;| maybe next time

ps - any tips anyone?

A (little too much) breath of fresh air

Although its just little changes here and there, im loving the new look of my revamped room + bathroom ;)

but the potpourri is a tad too strong lah :| how now?

reducing the redundancy

We are what we are today because of what happened to us yesterday. we mightve had a hard time, with all the conflicts, dilemmas, dramas and misunderstandings, but those are the things that have thankfully shaped us up, things we tragically lost our innocence to, things that fortunately didnt kill us, but makes us stronger.

We have to know how to put the past behind us, and instead of brooding over the spilt milk, wipe away our tears, and learn from our mistakes;

So that in the future, we will always check first that there is enough toilet paper before doing our bussinesses. We will listen to our our moms the next time they told us that whatever we are about to do is not a good idea. We would make sure we get the right person before hugging them from behind and say things we are not suppose to say to stangers. and most importantly of course, we would think (and look around!) ;) before we speak.

We have been taught the subject History from the early age so we didn't repeat the same mistakes our ancestors did. And we must vow to ourselves not to repeat the same mistakes that we ever did.

Because now, we are older, we are wiser.
Because now, we know better.

Back where we started :)

Today, on our way to crash the second openhouse of the day, missJ said i look like a mak datin. missA agreed and I tottally disagree, nominating another friend of ours who look more mak datin-ish.

We had a good laugh then silence fell. J then took back her words. She said, come to think about it again, Laila, you dont look lika a mak datin lah, you know what you look like?

umhm?

You indeed look like a Datuk's partner, but you not the Datin, you're like the secret lover!

(T_T)

And so the usik-usik begin. Tu belum kira MrF n J's little quarrels lagi. hehe.the famous four is back

Home sweet home. :)

But such is life

I moved in yesterday.

To say that my room was in a mess is an understatement; there was barely any space for me to step my foot.

i think i just broke my back unpacking the seemingly endless boxes and packages.hehe

This new flat, new room, doesnt feel like mine, it's sad. :|

Im thousands of miles away from home, from my family. They are my rock. I miss the comfort of home.

i think i mightve just hurted somebody's feeling :|

i lost the pensel tekan i vowed not to hilangkan :(

this is not what i have in mind how my raya would be like.

oh what a day.

i have to keep reminding myself to count my blessings today.

long overdue

ive been meaning to blog loads of time during the course of my 3 month sabbatical summer in malaysia. but my bed, comfort food, quality time with loved ones and sleeping always, always got the upper hand.

tomorrow, im going back to the England. not really psyched to begin the new term, as a matter of fact, im feeling a bit blue this few days. its not that im not thrilled to be starting my 2nd year in med school, learning new skills, meeting new people and travelling around with friends and stuff like that, but im just feeling a bit sentimental leaving all those behind for a while in the mood of festivities.

i would definitely miss Mama and her naggings when i put the wrong ingredients in the mixing bowl for kuih raya :O , or like when i woke up reaaal late and we are suppose to go baju raya hunting together :D (not that mine mattered considering my raya days will be spent in the disectting room with my long abandoned cadaver, Betsy. oh dear Betsy i wonder how you must smell by now!)

i am deeply grevely sorry that i wouldnt get to see ayah live in his pink baju melayu this year! :O pictures wont do justice to such occasions.

i will miss nagging nurul to 'belajau la Nurul, PMR nak dekat niii' as she is watching disney channel or chatting on her myspace. (what is it with kids today and myspace? facebook la babe, so 2007 la you all) and watch as she pull faces and retreat to her bedroom. :p

i will definitely miss iqa n along as i dont get to spend time as much with them. along went back to US mid August. and Iqa was home for a week on the start of Ramadhan. hehe i just remembered how along suka strum his guitar to 9 crimes by Damien Rice and i would pipe in and sing with him like nobodys business. mama actually said we sounded good together and we considered putting a video on youtube hey. (but you guys should be thankful that stays as idea sahaja :D i have a feeling mama was being sacarstic).

as much as i dislike leaving, i guess, i ve got to do what ive got to do. the three months holiday has been great and i should be starting this new term full of energy. i know im gonna need it. Looking back, i have had the chance to do almost everything i planned to do over the holidays. (plus a week of impromptu visit to Australia! :D) ive had enough fun and (hopefully adequate) bit of humanitarian and charity work. ive definitely had enough sleep and without a doubt have had far less care over what i was eating. (i have to tell you i am 4kgs fatter so if u havent seen me in a long time, you could be polite and nice and try not to stare at my humongous bottom the next time you see me)

well, to say the least,if anything, this holiday has been truly refreshing. and now its time to move along. ready or not, here we go again folks

ps- doakan i selamat sampai UK OK? Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin.

the reason the willow weeps

is here;

its so you dont have to

taken from IWroteThisForYou, his words calms me when i need soothing. thank you.

random pics

hello i feel like updating. words are failing me nowadays. i cant use proper english OR Bahasa. so i put pictures. i am cameraless now. so i imagine not long from now, when my english will still be broken, and my Bahasa is no better, and i cant put up pictures nomore, i would start posting wordless n picturesless posts with only punctuation marks or smthng to depicts my story and feelings. cool huh? :D

okay now. you can ignore me. im just rambling. just to let you know im still alive and doing okay around my loved ones. :) also, i have to let you know that;

i met Tony the airasia guy on my way back to msia. he was on the same flight and went around to greet every passenger and thank us 'for flying with AirAsia'

i put on 4 kilos while at home.

i passed 1st year with better than expected results (alhamdulillah) :) and will go back to the UK in less then a couple of months, before raya :(

i went to trg the other day to give motivation to school kids! :)

i visited my old (primary) school!! *oh the nostalgia!

ive visited 2 out of 3 of the arwahs i planned to visit whom all passed away when i was in England. *innalillah, Alfatihah*

i watched a few movies and had a good time with great company

i ate durians

i ate a lot of durians

and i havent buy anything since the megasale started. (ur cue to pat me on my back)

:) thats all for now.

the best thing just happened to me :))

more updates later ppl

the best-est thing ever.

Is in London :D

and going to Switzerland tomorrow! yehaaaaaaaaa

and guess what guess what, the next time im posting, ill most prolly be be back in Malaysia! :O insyaallah

keep in touch kawan2!
muah2!

hello, summer :D

exam was officially over yesterday and we unwind ourselves with a trip to Alton Towers and a lavish dinner at some Malaysian restaurant here in lovely Nottingham. it was a crazy+fun+tiring day indeed. i got on the claimed to be the longest vertical ride in the world and on a ride so fast (i think it was 100mph) i left all the exam stress residues blown away, gone with the wind!
(excuse the photo quality, it was a pic of a pic)




Fiqry and I mulled over for what seems like forever to decide wheather or not to take on the ride and we finally decided; oh well, what the heck, why not right? hehehe. Two thumbs up!!

(and sorry again fo the upside down vid, oh well, i cant be botherd)

I wish i could write more but i really ought to pack up, my room is a MESS.all the packings up to do aside, im elated. The boyfriend is coming over tomorrow and we will go on a holidayy next weeekkk!! :DD

alrighty, i better get back to packing. ttyl.

enjoy folks the sun is finally here :)

exam starts today!

Oh Allah, open our minds, strengthen our confidence and bestow upon us your mercy. We've done all that we can oh God, and we know the rest is ordained by You. Oh Allah, accept our prayers for you are the Almighty, Most Merciful.

Amin.

:) All the best people!

do you see what i see?

my first paper is this tuesday. My head feels really heavy and i am tired all the time. this is the hard times, folks.

but its at times like this that the littlest thing you find when you least expected it, those little things really lift up you spirit.

do you see what im talking about?

i was about to go to class when i noticed it. it just makes my day :)

its all in the mirror and i think its been there for months now :)

sisters!

maybe its the exam madness but im missing malysia so much right now. i miss malaysian food, home and loved ones.

nurul dah form 3 and has started writing those kinda essays for PMR (click to enlarge picture) and iqa dah tinggggiiiiii. even taller than i am maybe! hahahah.

cepat3 habis exam!!!

berusaha ppllll!!

hiyahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Holding it all together as best as i could

i havent call home for two days so i I called this morning. Nurul answered it and i asked her to pass me to Mama. Theres something different in her voice, trembling, almost inaudible. Maybe poor connection, i thought.
i jokingly asked her

"knapa mama sounds so sad ni, tak mau ckp ngn angah ke? :( "
"bukan lah angah, sbb mama mmg tgh sad'
"oh, why why why, crite la"

and thats when mama asked me wther ive read yesterdays newspaper. i Knew then something just isnt right.

"Abg Alim dah xde ngah"
"oh, kenapa kenapa? die pegi mana?"
"die dah xde ngah, die accident smlm, it was in the newspaper."
"...... bila ma? kenapa? apa jadi?"
"smlm, malam pukul 10, die accident just 5 mins away from his home. baru je mama jumpe die 2 days ago."
"innalillah" and i cried my heart out...

****
abg alim is my cousin sebelah Melaka. if im not mistaken, he is 25/26 this year. His real name is Faizal and i have no idea where we get the Alim nickname from.

i have always adored Abg Alim for his endearing personality. not to mention, he is quite a heart throb. :) I used to jokingly call him Yusry KRU, because, he exatly look like him when he dress up smartly. During family gath, Abg Alim yang paling rajin melayan all the sepupu2. He would do a few trips and take us all to the mall for a movie or just for ais kacang together.

Now, at 26, Abg Alim was a budding bussiness man. He owned a grocery store in Melaka which is rapidly growing under his management. Abg alim had a beautiful girlfriend and was soon to get engaged to her if everythng went well. I remember chatting to him bout the store and see how ambitious he is about the whole bussiness plan for his future plans. I adore him for that too.

but i guess, God has better plans for him.

Selasa malam, Abg Alim was helping Pak Seman, his dad (my uncle) to tidy up the house. from the stories i heard, Abg Alim suddenly said to Pak Seman

"Ayah, kalau Alim mati, ayah tanam alim dekat2 dengan kubur ayah nanti tau"
Pak Seman was caught off guard and Adik Anne, (Alim's lil sis) menyampuk
"Oh kalau cmtu Anne takmau kubur sbelah Alim la.. Alim bising! tak aman nnt! heheheh"
Alim smiled and said jokingly "Tapi Alim nak kubur sbelah ayah, ayah kan org Masjid boleh Alim tumpang terang kubur nnt :)"

They all laughed and then have dinner and perform Isyak prayer together. After prayer, Abg Alim told Mak Lin (my aunt) hes off to the store to see how things are. He salam Mak Lin before keluar rumah and Mak lin asked "Ibu tngok Alim berseri-seri malam ni, nak jumpe sesiape ke?"
Abg Alim just smiled and take his motorbike and off he went.

And that was it. En route to his store, Abg Alim had an accident. He ran into a car straight ahead of him and was flung far away from his bike. He died on the spot. The body was retained from the hospital in perfect condition. mama said, its hard to believe he was in a road accident because there were no cuts or bruise anywhere. The doctors said the cause of death was severe internal heammorhage.
this is the best picture i could find of Abg Alim. It was my first raya away and nurul kirim this picture. This is not even half of nenek's cucu. But nenek has one less grand child now. And he, was standing 2nd from left.

Abg Alim selamat dikebumikan at the tanah perkuburan depan rumah nenek. Semoga ditempatkan bersama org2 beriman. Al-Fatihah.

Note to Self :gotta take it like a man

or woman. for that matter.

The dreaded finals is coming. now stop mopping around pretending like youve got a whole lot of time in the world before it starts. time is gold. use it or lose it, its your call.gonna stop whining insyaallah and just try my best. wish me luck you guys.

p/s: to The Other Half, keep your head in the game. Everything else could wait :) All the best. love always.

kerisauan melanda

tell me how much faster do i need to go.
cause the end of the tunnel just seems too far away.

Dearly Departed..

my earliest recollection about arwah is when i was 5 or 6, arwah was still healthy and cheerful at that time. Growing up in Terengganu, Along and I are very fond of its delicacies. I love this one kuih called Nek Bat, its like kuih baulu eaten with syrup made of plain sugar. Along on the other hand, love another kuih called Akok.

My grandmother, or Chik, as her around 30++ cucus lovingly call her, pantang dgr kalau along or i merengek nak makan all these kuihs. i remember, every time balik Dungun, Chik would surely surely suurely buatkan along Akok and nek bat for me. it wasnt an easy job at all. i remember this one thing like a giant giling she used to painstakingly giling half a cup of beras at a time until it become fine powder, and mix it up with water, eggs and sugar and whatnot to make akok. As for the nek bat, Chik would patiently bake the cake using traditional dapur arang belakang rumah, red faced and berpeluh-peluh everytime.

once in a while if we were being good all day, Chik sometimes make us these grated dried kelapa muda n gula in those colourful paper tube, Saigon i think it is called or smthg.. or gula-gula tarik made from nisan, or some call it gula melaka. it was a feast everytime :)

Up until now, we could never find anything quite like chik's cookings anywhere we look, hi and lo, even the so called best akok/nek bat in town.

as we grow older though, arwahs health deteriotated. She had a combination of many old age diseases and started to have to use wheelchair to move around. my grand father, Tok Ki as we call him, had to renovate the house to make it easier for Chik to move around. The akok machine was given away, and the place where she used to bake my nekbat is turned into a small hut where Ki did carpentry to renovate the house.

Around that time too, i had to go away to boarding school and my relationship with Chik and Ki wasnt as close anymore. i went back only on occasions like raya or kenduri. Sometimes if mama or ayah call kampung pun, i rarely talk to them. most of the time, i was busy being self involved, being at that phase of so called adolescent.

Before i flew off here to the UK, i met Chik one last time. i remember there was only me and her in her room, i was making sure she took her meds and help her lie down on bed. I told her im going away to the UK. she asked me how long will i be here. I told her, insyaaallah, 5 years. that was when Chik smiled. She said, "baguslah angah, nnt balik jadik doctor bolehlah ubatkan Chik". I smiled back, with mixed feelings, mostly sadness. she pulled at my heartstrings with those words.

Little did i know, it was gonna be her last words to me.

ive been here for almost 9 months now. never once did i call Dungun to speak to Chik. I care for her deeply, everytime i call home, id ask mama n ayah bout her heatlh and all but never did i talk directly to her. Why, you ask me? i ask myself the same thing.

Mama called yesterday to tell me Chik has passed away. i hung up the phone feeling numb, but not sad. i felt empty. i didnt know what to feel.

only now, as i sat alone looking out the window, reciting Yaasin for her, im overwhelmed by all these memories. petty little memories come rushing back to me. and i cant seem to stop these tears from streaming down my cheeks.

and all thats left now, are those little pieces of memories.

Al-Fatihah.

good news!

today at ASDA, i found HALAL yummy gummy bears by Haribo!

Hah!

try beating that!! na-na-nah-na-na :P

Amsterdam, Amsterdam.

Its a place where i assure you would get to see (or even do, hay~ ;) ) things you'd never see (or do) anywhere else.

there was red light district. where we saw red curtained windows with exhibitions inside that would make you blush. where we experience being chased by a pros who speaks malay. and where we entered countless shops selling souvenirs with unimaginable shapes and sizes, cannabis cookies and even canna lollipop!

there was the dam square where the atmosphere is so lively and happy. it so happens that when we got there, there was a fun fair on the squre. the sweet smell of oversized cotton candy filled the air and the colourful lights at night with happy faces of children and lovers just makes you smile even after a tiring day strolling in the art museum. the more normal looking sovenirs sold here too, was a big plus point ;)

which brings me to the next point, the art museums. theres loads of artsy fartsy stuff in amsterdam. they have van gogh museum, rijksmuseum, monuments and a couple of photography museums. Though is was good fun at the first few paintings that we saw, how the interpret them and the meaning behind each stroke, trust me if you're not a big art lover, after a dozen of paintings, your feet will start to ache, head spins and you'd rather sit on the bench by the canal and watch as the people passes you by, mostly using bicycles :)

Holland is a beutiful and unique country to visit. In spring especially, the sea of blooming tulips would just take your breath away. Well as for me, maybe the people i go to Amsterdam with, is what makes the trip even more special an enjoyable. ;) thank you guys!
More pictures here
And random videos here
Enjoy, cause we sure did! :)

new found love

for the iPhone 3G.

im gonna start my easter vacation tomorrow. upon coming back, we have a month before the final exam *shivers* i have around 70 letcures to read, understand and memorise and so far ive done... uhm... 5?
the plan is to revise while having fun. not a combination that usually works for me, but this time ive gotto do it, do or die. my phone is packed with nerdy doctory stuff like it always is, comes the holiday. the medic letcure podcasts from Cambridge and UCL is particularly helpful :) lets hope i make good use of it all on the go.

be back in two weeks time ppl

vaarwel en zie u!

Amsterdam, here i come!

the routine.

I usually chop the vegs and meat.
The other two girls usually do the actual cooking.
The guy usually wash the dishes and take out the trash.

While doing our bit of work in preparing dinner, we'd sing. Or more like hum incohherently. Most often then not, the songs we sang will get stuck in my head. first it was I Belive I Can Fly. Then some Bollywood song. At one time, it was a silly song from Obama spoof called I Can Do Whatever I Like. You can find it on YouTube if youre interested. (i warned you, i t might get stuck in you head for days though). At one time it was Follow me by Uncle Kraker, (that happens during the boyfie's visit and i was singing while he was cooking :)) ) . And today, its a boyband song, The Shape of My Heart.

over dinner than, we would talk about anything under the sun. politics, entertainment, religions, food, Malaysia, families, and of course medic stuff. (oh BTW, i warn you again, most of the time, we selalu talk about very visual, gory, gross stuff over dinner) After dinner, we would bid each other goodnight, and settle to our rooms. For me, whatever that was talked on over the meal, that too would get stuck in my head. If we talked bout Malaysia or families, id enter the room feeling homesick :|. if it was medic-y stuff, i go in and opens my book, check the details; have i told them or what theyve told me was correct (nerd!). if its politics, or religions, i go on the net and read up thinking 'gosh,how ignorant could i be.' And okay, who am i kidding now. If its a hot gossip, well, i make calls to share the news :D

Dinnertime Chitchat is particularly important nowadays when im mentally dysfunctional. It got my brain to be active for about an hour or so. I woke up this past few days just to eat, watch series, make (unexecutable) revision plans for the holidays, eat and sleep again.

in short, I feel like a fat potato. *sigh* maybe i should ask them if they feel like fat potatoes too during dinnertime chitchat tomorrow. i hope its not just me.

guess what?

ITS THE EASTER BREAK!!

time to rejuvenate the mundane, routine life, earthlings!

have fun, take care and don't forget the book aite?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :D

rekindling the childhood memory 2

Dinner was good, the creme brulee was even better. tnx alifa ;) (and fiqry)

****
Since early 2001 to 2009 then, i never once met aina in the eye ever again. that is, until yesterday :D

although we were seperated miles and miles away, once in a while aina and i did keep in touch, be it a simple friendster msg or a hi or two on facebook. Aina and i both pursue our dreams, to be doctors. Last time i heard, aina got an offer to egypt right after SPM and me, i did my a levels for two years and come here to UK.

couple of weeks back, Aina added me up on facebook and told me shes coming to the UK. i was elated and began filling her bits here and there, aiding her in planning her grande trip to UK. She and 2 other frens form alex uni started their holiday after their exam and after a few destinations, they came here to Notts yesterday :)

i showed aina n her friends around in notts, (tho there really was nothing to show around pon actually) and we had lunch and do some catching ups. They slept over at my house and we cooked dinner together.

Though they only spent barely a day in Notts, (hey i dont blame them ;)) i really had a good time. i remember aina as a petite, witty bright and sweet girl and after 9 years, she hasnt changed a bit. We spend time sort of talked about what have happened to us in the past 9 years over kitchen counters, during pillow talk and over breakfast this morning. we talked about the primaary school days and it amazed me how much aina remembers. Well i guess, my memory never is very good anyways. sorry aina!

As we part ways again, Aina to continue her holiday in Manchester and London, and me, back to my monday blues, i cant help but to feel a twinge of sadness when i send them off to the bus station. Her visit had bring so many childhood memories back, playing in my head and i sigh thinking how far i now am from those carefree days when my only fear is when i see the hospital van coming and its time for the dentist/angry nurses again.

boy, remember what the mean kids told you bout how scary BCG was gonna be?

:) ahh... i just love those days!

rekindling the childhood memory.

i am a '89 baby. but for 10 years now out of my 19 years of living, i am usually surrounded by mostly '88 babies. i go to class with them, learn, laugh, cry and fight with them. there was this one test (i believe it has been abolished now for some reasons) by the education system then that let, the konon bright kids to skip darjah 4 and go straight to darjah 5. remember, you guys?

it was very hard at first. i remember going into the standard 5 class, 5 Mutiara, and all eyes were on me. the kids all had their own little clique of frinds and all sat together in the isle seats arranged in 6 desks per group and all seats but a couple at the back of class were empty. i keep my eyes on the floor, walk slowly and took a seat quietly. the mean kids then resume whatever they were doing. some lawan main eraser, some main tutup botol, batu seremban and some main tac-tac-toe.. me, i just sat there not knowing what to do.

Science lesson was particularly hard. kids in primary school started learing science in darjah 4, but i dont have a darjah 4. i dont have basics in science and though mama and ayah send me to tuition class to catch up on science, i still feel inferior.

few days into the year 1999, a new girl registered to the school and was placed in the same class as mine. she was from Dungun, if i remember correctly and had to pindah sebab ikut her dad pindah kerja. well as fated, the girl, aina, sat beside me. it so happens, aina too, was an 89 baby and together, we became the outcast in our own class. us against those little mean kids of 5mutiara.

me and aina were the bestest of friends. during recess, we ate our packed lunch together, study sama2 and kadang copy jawapan homework sama2. we even sleepover at each others house and got know each others family.

it was the mid year exam i think that pretty much change how things were. well aina is a very smart girl to say the least. in the exam, aina and i got the top two rank in the batch. and suddenly, everybody wants to be our friends. the mean kids were no longer mean and we even started to get posts and became prefects and get to be in competitions. i remember i represented the school in spelling bee competiton (what are the odds eh, with spelling mcm ni!) and aina masuk pertandingan bercerita :) well to put it simply, we were by then, the cool kids to hang round with ;) heheheh. among the new friends, Ain, and Ely were the other two girls that sort of have the same wavelength as mine and aina's and we then became the famous four.

after darjah enam though, me aina ely and ain went separate ways. i had to go to langkawi, aina, ely and ain, all went to different boarding schools. i remember taking picture on our last day at primary school infront of dewan besat after the prize giving ceremony where all four of us get to sit close to each other as we four conquered the top 10 rank in the batch or best in subjects smthng like that. ah, how i wish i still have the picture!


** ive gotto go, alifa panggil dinner. will continue in a bit!

Ahhh...

I am so proud of you!

you know who you are :)

feeling detached

i went to do groceries with Jannah at Aldi today. we walked home with two big bags of stuff and each one of us carried one. my other hand was holding a small bag with a few bars of chocs and biscuits.

so anyways, while i was walking, halfway down the road, Jannah half screamed, telling me to stop, and stop i did, dead on my tracks, letting go of the heavy load i was carrying, shocked. my hand felt sticky and i looked at her quizzically. she looked down to the bag i was carrying and i averted my gaze down. and boy, fresh warm red blood was trickling down the bag. i look at my hands and oddly, both palms have cut marks and blood was all over almost all of my fingertips. the cuts are deep, and long, almost 2cm. but i didnt feel sakit at all. sgt pelik heyyy!

alright, so the bag on my right hand was damn heavy thus maybe the cut but why was my left palm bleeding too?

jannah handed me her gloves i put it on and jannah help carried the small bag. she insisted to carry both of it but i dont want her to tercirit kat tengah jalan pulak nnt. heavy okay.

hehe

so yeah then we continued back home, me hugging the big bag and quieter than usual, puzzled with what just happened.

back at home then, i dropped almost everything i was holding on to. the stupid wilko spatula, the spoons, a tub of half a litter of yoghurt, splattering strawberrry cream everywhere in my room and every single thing i got hold of.

did i tell you i dropped almost everything i was holding on to?

sigh. what a day.

***EDITED***

ps- but some things are just too precious, that are worth it to hold on to tightly even when things get hard. as a matter of fact, you need it more when things get hard!

like a bottle of Frijj, or a tub of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough maybe?

those are things i woulndt ever let go off, even if i have plasters on all forefingers :D

being nostalgic

this is random, read on if youve got nothing better to do.

have you ever tried googling your name up? well i just did, tadi. okay okay, a bit narcissistic, i know but hey, cant blame a girl for being bored (and to be honest, a little curios ;)) now can you?

the first one that came out, jeng jeng jeng, of course, the ever manipulative social networking facebook profile of mine. speaking of which, did you guys know facebook dropped a clause in their term and cond.s of using the service which allows them to have full rights over users' uploded pictures, notes, wall posts, and basically, everything, even if we deleted our accounts? well, after some commotion, they agreed to put this matter on hold, but also make it claer that it is only temporary, before they continue with the plan. cunning hmm? so yeah just keep in mind to be cautious of what you upload on FB. you dont want it to affect you fitness to practice or anything like that in the future nanti.

anyway, thats actually besides the point. the second thing that came out from google is something titled 'Hall of Fame' with my name listed. ;) I clicked on it and it was actually a website launced by my english teacher, with 'samples of excellent essays' or so he named it.

i read back thru the supposed to be excellent essay which i couldnt remember writing, im guessing this is from 5/6 years back, and wonder how the heck it was there? it was nowhere near as good as the rest but i guess, maybe its not too much if i say favouritism did occur, and maybe it was there just because some of the the teachers did actually like me. and it actually made me smile, that awfully too-cautios, rigid and trying-too-hard essay ;)

i dont know why im writting this. it just suddenly gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, walking down memory lane. looking back, i had a heck of a five year experience in my former MRSM. tho it wasnt all rainbows and butterflies, i love the place.

It was where i grew up, where i met wonderful friends like ainul amirah caca yaz milo n zayen whom still make it a point to keep in touch with each other. it was the place where i learn a lot about friendship and help me through adolescence (ok i sound freakily old now) and also developed me intelectually.

Rights, rights, who am i kidding now, of course, it was also the place where i got to know Zul. tho we only talked on average twice a year at that time, but Nature sure has a way to surprise you. Sometime good news, inevitably, sometime bad news. But till then, you just cherished the past,
cruise thru life and just you wait :)

the post at which i started using tags!

i went to london last weekend. many thought the occasion was Valentine's Day but it was actually not quite that. 15th Feb was the boyfriend's 21st birthday, a big thing, so i want to be there at least for the day. Ash (the Brain) helped me planned a surprise party for him. the Brawn were obviously Eg and Hamid, and well, me, i was just the Beauty i guess ;P hahahahha! the whole thing went perfectly well. Hatherley 2 was pack with happy faced, smiley, pot-bellied people, both invited ones and the much welcomed party crashers :D thank you everybody!

this calls for a shoutout :)

Happy 21st Birthday Zul.
You're one in a million, you know that?

love always. :)

ive gotto get back to anatomy now. ttyl ppl!

ريسولث وس اوت فيو دايس بچق. الل اس ڬود. الحمدلله :)

epic failure? you tell me

before you start giving me mean critics and stuff, bear in mind this is my 1st try baking choc cake (yes, it is a choc cake!) without mama's watchful eyes on me and expert opinion guiding me.

so here, let the pics do the talkingit all seem to be alrigt at first but after an hour, the middle part sort of sunk down. i tried to cover it up with chocolate topping but the choc decided to act up and jadik berketul2 :( it makes the cake look even more uhm.. sad.. so finally i decided to cut out the mid part, and well..

they said, the rest is history

ok, to be fair, it actually does taste good ok?

tak percaya sudah!

:'(

there is still hope for the world

i looked out the window and the night has started to quiet down. the thick snow has pretty much covered the whole pavement, car tops and driveways. the white, untouched flakes makes me smile.

a guy and a girl emerged holding hands out from their flat. ive seen the girl before, i think she lives just below my flat. but never seen the guy. maybe hes the boyfriend that came for a visit. their footsteps left footprints on the white snow, little 4 patches, 2 and 2 , side by side, against the white, vast, icy cold snow.

they walked slowly but the girl slipped down to the ground, onto the soft white snow. she just lie there and laughed. He smiled, extended his hand. the girl took it and instead of getting up, she pulled him down with her, they lie there side by side and just let the snow fall on them.

i sighed, and drew a heart shape on the water vapor on the glass window pane from my warm breath.

:)

mind blowing

the amount of work that we have to do now is mind boggling. funny how i thought first sem was hectic.

no complaints here though, pretty much enjoying it so far :)

less updates until i get the hang of this.

till then, toodles.

Nottingham Famous Four ;)


the flatmates (plus one). all pictures were taken by each other in the course of 6 days back to back exam week without any of us realising we were being photographed. so this is no act.

i really was, holding my brain in place so it didnt jump out n fiqry really was pushing all the information into his head. jannah was really trying to absorb the facts during the eleventh hour and hey, yeah, alifa was really that calm :D

it was an oh-so-stressfull week (we even had a paper on Saturday) that a girl in our class had a nervous breakdown during the exam and ambulance had to be called to rescue her..

now that its over, we were given a week off!

ow yeah, we deserve this :)

exams over, rejoice earthlings!

***
london's calling!

VERY short term memory

if you must know, most of the time im not particularly good at remembering. be it remembering names, facts, happening, and worst of all, routes and spaces. Oh, trust me ive got lots of people to testify this. even i once couldnt give the direction to my own house to the boyfriend on our first-ish date and he wanted to send me home. *doink*

in fact, one of the reasons i started this blog is so i can read back what happened say 3 years back. who i was, what happened, how i felt and how i feel bout it now. break ups, flings, exams, a new phase of life, anger, happiness, tears, i want to capture everything if possible. thus, no wonder im a sucker at blogging the littlest thing that happened to me. because i have VERY short term memory.

oh, i digress..

anyhoo, the intention earlier of writing this post is to write bout the italy story again actually. it revolves around me and my memory loss thus the above ramblings i guess. here goes the part two, Italy story.

so me milo n the new zealand girl chatted bout all sorts of things and i was elated to find out she too, was actually a medical student, and in final year at that too! cool eh? we chat and chat until finally the lights were switched off, its time for bed, we all settled to our beds, me the lower bunk next to the NZ girl and milo took the top bunk.amidst the darkened room, when i was about to fall asleep, then...

Milo (suara sakit) : Laila, i sakit tekak la... u ada ubat?
Laila: Nope, tak de.. hmm maybe bole tnya die (refering to the fifth year med student) msti die ada
M: Ha.. betul2.. tanyakan pls?
L: ok! uhm... cop! i lupa! apa nama die?

M: hmmm (thinking how to say in a not so obvious way)
M: hm... nama.. stesen kerata api kat london tu..
L: VicFIcToFoRiaFia?
M: Yup!
L: I thought it was VeFeRoFoNiFiCaFa?
M: hahaha tu pompuan lagi satu la, MoFoNiFiCaFa
L: Are you sure?
M: Hehe ye la.. try la..
L: im pretty sure its not nama stesen keretapi tu la La..?
M: Yee!
L: Takk?
M: Ye la Laaaa!
L: fine2.. i tnya kan....
L (nervously saying to the NZ girl) : uhmmmmm, Victoria....? (please god please, xsalah!)
V: Yeas?

*sighs of relief*

:D

thanks miloo!

Italy Story

my brains pretty messed up now i need a break.

When we were in Rome, we spent one night in a Youth Hostel, called Yellow. The area is pretty dodgy but its close to the Metro Station so we didnt mind that much. Plus, the dorm is pretty cosy and the interior is cool, so it wasnt too bad actually.

upon arriving, we were told that they couldnt put all four of us in a room so they might have to split us up. And we were also informed that all rooms are shared rooms. tho a bit unsettled, we didnt have any choice i guessed.

when the rooms were allocated, i got to be in the same room with Milo, the other two roomates are both females, Monica from the States, and Victoria from New Zealand. Ainul and Yaz got placed together too, but they had to share it with a guy, and another girl (nationalities unsure)

So milo and I checked in, settled down and we noticed the tell tale sign that one girl is already in. but she isnt in, prolly out somewhere wandering the streets of Roma or crawling in the numerous Pubs in proximity to our hostel. As for us, the freezing night and dodgy area makes us decide to call it a day.

anyway... a few minutes later, a girl came in. i was putting on layers and layers of clothes as it was freezinnn cold!

here was the conversation, sort of la, that took place...


Milo: Oh, hello there! (shakes hands) Im Amila and thats Lyla. whats ur name?
Victoria: Oh, hi! Im Victoria, where are you lots form?
Laila: Malaysia, and you?
V:NZ and btw, its summer in there!
*smiles exchanged*
V: So youre on vacation in Rome? For how long?
M: Round 2 weeks, but not just Rome, we're plannig to cover the whole Italy!
V: oh, i see!
L: so.. uhm... ure on vacation as well i assume?
V: well..Yeas (as in Yeast)
L: Yeast?? (blurr)
V: Yeas (smiles)
M and L: *exchange glances* (silence, thinking)
L (telepathically): i think she meant YES!
M: *nods, telepathically too*
L: So, how long will you be here, Victoria?

*** and continues chatting

:DD i wanna go down under someday! Aussie, NZ! wanna go there pulak!

Yeas i do! :D

exam starts tomorrow.

*gulp*


O Allah, grant my friends and I calmness of the heart and brightness of the mind like that of Your messenger Muhammad, and success at the end of the day. Verily, You are the Most Merciful, Most Beneficient.
Ameen.

arriverderci, italia!

Italy was more then i imagined it would be. funner, dodgier, worse, better and in a nutshell, awesom-er! ill upload the pics first thing when the exams over.

we had so much fun and adventure in Italy, i wud definitely treasure this for the rest of my life. i uploaded some random clips we took to youtube bout the trip. tho it did no justice to the sights and sounds of italy, but go have a look. i know you want to!

much love!