Hujan emas / batu

to stay and work here or to go home?

i know it seems far away but its been bugging me this few days. job application day is looming.

why stay here?

well because hearsay says the career wise, support is better, the working hours is better, the pay is better. the experience, the certification.

why go home?

why?

seriously do i need to answer that?

because my everything is back home. and whos to say medical career and opportunities in Malaysia isnt as good as it is here hey?

We shall see. God give me guidance.

Is on

a little hiatus.

As always, its the exams.

Even typing the word hiatus reminds me of hiatus hernia. and then that reminds me of other causes of GORD then i realised i dont remember much then i make a mental note to go over gastroenterology again. Then i realised i still havent gone through renal and immunology and might not have time to go over gastro again. then i go mental.

LOL.

Its not really that bad. Promise its not. i actually quite enjoy revising and learning and understanding more and more about so many diseases day after day. It is rewarding. But at the same time it does get daunting on certain days where i had little sleep or where i lose my cool that i have to know a ridikeles amount of info and revise n memorise for the sake of exams and i fear i may just not be properly reataining the knowledge to use later in life when im an actual doctor. That part is not fun :S

Anyhoo, exam i this coming Monday. 2 papers only and i practical. Then all is done and i shall be homebound!

Wish me luck people! Doakan i! I really wanna do well and be reassured so then i can enjoy my 2 week holiday with my family and the other half happily :)

Back to studying now!

xx

ps- ive missed you too!

Rainy Monday

A day's work in a clinic can be quite demanding. And i dont mean physically so much. But you can get emotionally wary. You see patients come in with a disease you cant cure. You see young little boy with gorgeous blue eyes and curly golden hair smiling to you and telling you you smell like strawberry, jumping around happily one minute and screaming and crying the next after you gave him three immunisation shots. Oh and the look he gave with that teary big blue eyes! You see old grown big men cry over the death of their loved ones. You see all sorts of things. And you cant help but to empathize and feel. It's just little things but these little things do get you down sometimes.

I guess i just have to learn to dissociate my feelings and my work better. Empathize but not feel. Be stronger and look on the bright side. And start saving the world, one patient at a time. Chin up!

Vlog 2.0

About fricking time, right? :D LOL. soooo sorry! ive been really busy :( Clinicals are so tiring, but good kinda tiring, fun tired. I was at hospital half the time and the other half at home sleeping/ pigging out/ burying my nose in piles of notes and heavy books pretending to be revising while watching pretty little liars.

So i got home quite early today and i was sorting thru my work clothes and selendang, colour coding things and hangers (yes im a wardrobe freak like that) and trying out my old dresses and casual clothes and jeans and spring skirts that i rarely get to wear anymore nowadays :( i tried on my hijabs and experimented with a few styles. then..

you guessed it. i decided to make a hijab tutorial video. rest assured this video isnt as awkward as my 1st attempt at vlogging (at least i think so) LOL. This goes for you guys who have been missnig my face and my voice. Wait, what? you dont miss me? Well your mom does.

Weeheeee :D ttyl 'ppl of the internet' who says that? (O_o) oh right, i did (T_T)

I believe I am going through a very important phase in my life as a doctor in the making. I keep reminding myself

'Oh, ive gotto pen this down somewhere, Ive got to remember this feeling i have when i see my first proper patient, or the atmosphere in an emergency department or the scene where everybody is talking all at once fighting for what they think is best for the patient.'

But mostly though, i want to be able to read back one day about the motivation i have now, the spirit and the relentless persistence and this thrist for knowledge i feel now, so that i would remember how exciting, touching, overwhelming and rewarding the whole thing is, should i one day have a hard time in medicine.

So thats just what i would do. :)

Starting this weekend, of course.

(oh yes, im still as big a procrastinator as i was before even after the eye opening experience in hospital of course, that bit has not change unfortunately - im a basket case.)

talk to you later.

Reposted: Exam season

2nd year Finals starts in less than 24 hours. Bismillah.

O Allah, grant us the calmness of the mind and help us through this hard times. Bestow upon us Your mercy, and success at the end of it all. We have done all there is in our power to do, shine upon it Barakah O Allah, and we leave the rest to You, our Most Magnificent. Help us o Most Benificient and Most Merciful as without You, indeed we are nothing.
Amin

Goodluck everyone. Lets do this :)