Season to be Jolly, for a while at least :)

hi there. its been a while hasn't it? I literally forgot this space exists thus the lack of posts this past few weeks. so today i was blog hopping then thought i might as well say couple of words and say hi to you people. i have also just realised the profile,followers and cbox tabs yada3 are now at the bottom of the page, only god knows why. i tried meddling around with the design and layout to fix it but then all the scary html css terms came up. of course, i freaked out and just hit the close window button. :O Oh well, like anybody cares :D well, i dont, i just feel like ranting today.

the thing is, i should not feel like ranting today. i should not feel like doing anything at all other than sit here in front of my laptop and bust my brains out because i have a 15000 words dissertation to write and i have to send it in the next few weeks. but i know you know me well. procrastination is my middle name. :D

anyhoo, its December now. the new year is looming. was talking to Zul the other day bout resolutions and i realised i havnt think up of any yet. (not that i usually keep to my resolutions anyway) but it is nice to have them and join the world with the spirit of newness of the year, turning over a new leaf and that kinda stuff, dont you think?

speaking of December, it is also the time of the year that i have always associated with joy. for one, the winter sale is going on and it is CRAHZY! I got myself truckloads of stuff and now my tiny almari cant fit my clothes anymore im thinking of going out to shop for almari pulak! :O LOL.

3 out of 3456596 unnecessary clothes i got from december sale. I need help, i know

Also, its the holiday season which equates to travelling and spending time with loved ones. my fisrt winter here, i went travelling in Italy with my best girls. last year, went to Barcelona with my family and this time we went to Paris and Geneva. Boy, those are some really good times i have to tell you :D And this year, even nenek joined us! Tremendous fun indeed.

with the kids at disneylanddddd

December also holds a very special place in my heart because this month 4 years ago, someone amazing came along and adds colours to my life with his companionship,love, care and support. I can be quirky, silly and sloppy, i can cry a river or laugh like an asmathic mad woman having a seizure (ie be myself) and be sure he will still stand by my side and hold my hand tight. He is truly a gem :)

And hopefuly next year, i can add another event to my list of joyful things in december; my first degree graduation, InsyaAllah. well then, I should really get back to my dissertation shouldnt i? *sigh*

TTYL peeps :)

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uuuu~ the new layout is pretty fit isnt it? oh well what dya know. org buta coding pon bole ada cool blog okay? 8-)

here there everywhere

The family, minus the brother :( came to visit me during the last winter break. it was by far, the most awesome month yet i have since ive been in England. well travelling with the other half and my best girls is a close second lah :)

We went to spain for a week. The two little sisters did some serious shopping. you cant blame them when Zara n MNG tees and blouses were sold at prices as low as 3 euros can you? :D Also If you go to Barcelona, make it a point to spend at least half a day in Parc Guell, its like magic land, brings you back to your childhood days :)

Back in UK, i took them around in Nottingham then we went to Mansfield and Sheffield, doing touristy stuffs and our last stop was London. We met up with another 3 families here and spend a week in the capital. The boyfriend joined us the whole time, entertaining the kids and guiding us around London. He totally stole my aunties hearts, i kid you not ;)Sending them off at Stansted was hard. I missed the cousins, the shopping (oh, the shopping!), the long walks with them and simply just their presence :) But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do i guess, i went back to Nottingham the following day with loads of revision to do in +-10 days before the exam began!

Glad the exams over, with no panic attacks or nervous breakdown ;) Alhamdulillah. the result however, was a whole different story all together, whats done is done. We can just pray and hope now.

oh on that note, the boyfriend gave me a book to read just before i left London for Nottingham after the family visit. Its the ever so famous The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Ive been wanting to read it for quite a while, after the late arwah Sara mentioned it in her blog. But the timing i got hold of this book couldnt have been more perfect, thank you Zul. All i have to say is that you don't have to take all they say as it is, pick and choose what you wanna believe, but the essence on the secret makes perfect sense to me. The Secret is amazing! Go read it! :D

much love

long overdue

ive been meaning to blog loads of time during the course of my 3 month sabbatical summer in malaysia. but my bed, comfort food, quality time with loved ones and sleeping always, always got the upper hand.

tomorrow, im going back to the England. not really psyched to begin the new term, as a matter of fact, im feeling a bit blue this few days. its not that im not thrilled to be starting my 2nd year in med school, learning new skills, meeting new people and travelling around with friends and stuff like that, but im just feeling a bit sentimental leaving all those behind for a while in the mood of festivities.

i would definitely miss Mama and her naggings when i put the wrong ingredients in the mixing bowl for kuih raya :O , or like when i woke up reaaal late and we are suppose to go baju raya hunting together :D (not that mine mattered considering my raya days will be spent in the disectting room with my long abandoned cadaver, Betsy. oh dear Betsy i wonder how you must smell by now!)

i am deeply grevely sorry that i wouldnt get to see ayah live in his pink baju melayu this year! :O pictures wont do justice to such occasions.

i will miss nagging nurul to 'belajau la Nurul, PMR nak dekat niii' as she is watching disney channel or chatting on her myspace. (what is it with kids today and myspace? facebook la babe, so 2007 la you all) and watch as she pull faces and retreat to her bedroom. :p

i will definitely miss iqa n along as i dont get to spend time as much with them. along went back to US mid August. and Iqa was home for a week on the start of Ramadhan. hehe i just remembered how along suka strum his guitar to 9 crimes by Damien Rice and i would pipe in and sing with him like nobodys business. mama actually said we sounded good together and we considered putting a video on youtube hey. (but you guys should be thankful that stays as idea sahaja :D i have a feeling mama was being sacarstic).

as much as i dislike leaving, i guess, i ve got to do what ive got to do. the three months holiday has been great and i should be starting this new term full of energy. i know im gonna need it. Looking back, i have had the chance to do almost everything i planned to do over the holidays. (plus a week of impromptu visit to Australia! :D) ive had enough fun and (hopefully adequate) bit of humanitarian and charity work. ive definitely had enough sleep and without a doubt have had far less care over what i was eating. (i have to tell you i am 4kgs fatter so if u havent seen me in a long time, you could be polite and nice and try not to stare at my humongous bottom the next time you see me)

well, to say the least,if anything, this holiday has been truly refreshing. and now its time to move along. ready or not, here we go again folks

ps- doakan i selamat sampai UK OK? Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin.

Holding it all together as best as i could

i havent call home for two days so i I called this morning. Nurul answered it and i asked her to pass me to Mama. Theres something different in her voice, trembling, almost inaudible. Maybe poor connection, i thought.
i jokingly asked her

"knapa mama sounds so sad ni, tak mau ckp ngn angah ke? :( "
"bukan lah angah, sbb mama mmg tgh sad'
"oh, why why why, crite la"

and thats when mama asked me wther ive read yesterdays newspaper. i Knew then something just isnt right.

"Abg Alim dah xde ngah"
"oh, kenapa kenapa? die pegi mana?"
"die dah xde ngah, die accident smlm, it was in the newspaper."
"...... bila ma? kenapa? apa jadi?"
"smlm, malam pukul 10, die accident just 5 mins away from his home. baru je mama jumpe die 2 days ago."
"innalillah" and i cried my heart out...

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abg alim is my cousin sebelah Melaka. if im not mistaken, he is 25/26 this year. His real name is Faizal and i have no idea where we get the Alim nickname from.

i have always adored Abg Alim for his endearing personality. not to mention, he is quite a heart throb. :) I used to jokingly call him Yusry KRU, because, he exatly look like him when he dress up smartly. During family gath, Abg Alim yang paling rajin melayan all the sepupu2. He would do a few trips and take us all to the mall for a movie or just for ais kacang together.

Now, at 26, Abg Alim was a budding bussiness man. He owned a grocery store in Melaka which is rapidly growing under his management. Abg alim had a beautiful girlfriend and was soon to get engaged to her if everythng went well. I remember chatting to him bout the store and see how ambitious he is about the whole bussiness plan for his future plans. I adore him for that too.

but i guess, God has better plans for him.

Selasa malam, Abg Alim was helping Pak Seman, his dad (my uncle) to tidy up the house. from the stories i heard, Abg Alim suddenly said to Pak Seman

"Ayah, kalau Alim mati, ayah tanam alim dekat2 dengan kubur ayah nanti tau"
Pak Seman was caught off guard and Adik Anne, (Alim's lil sis) menyampuk
"Oh kalau cmtu Anne takmau kubur sbelah Alim la.. Alim bising! tak aman nnt! heheheh"
Alim smiled and said jokingly "Tapi Alim nak kubur sbelah ayah, ayah kan org Masjid boleh Alim tumpang terang kubur nnt :)"

They all laughed and then have dinner and perform Isyak prayer together. After prayer, Abg Alim told Mak Lin (my aunt) hes off to the store to see how things are. He salam Mak Lin before keluar rumah and Mak lin asked "Ibu tngok Alim berseri-seri malam ni, nak jumpe sesiape ke?"
Abg Alim just smiled and take his motorbike and off he went.

And that was it. En route to his store, Abg Alim had an accident. He ran into a car straight ahead of him and was flung far away from his bike. He died on the spot. The body was retained from the hospital in perfect condition. mama said, its hard to believe he was in a road accident because there were no cuts or bruise anywhere. The doctors said the cause of death was severe internal heammorhage.
this is the best picture i could find of Abg Alim. It was my first raya away and nurul kirim this picture. This is not even half of nenek's cucu. But nenek has one less grand child now. And he, was standing 2nd from left.

Abg Alim selamat dikebumikan at the tanah perkuburan depan rumah nenek. Semoga ditempatkan bersama org2 beriman. Al-Fatihah.

Dearly Departed..

my earliest recollection about arwah is when i was 5 or 6, arwah was still healthy and cheerful at that time. Growing up in Terengganu, Along and I are very fond of its delicacies. I love this one kuih called Nek Bat, its like kuih baulu eaten with syrup made of plain sugar. Along on the other hand, love another kuih called Akok.

My grandmother, or Chik, as her around 30++ cucus lovingly call her, pantang dgr kalau along or i merengek nak makan all these kuihs. i remember, every time balik Dungun, Chik would surely surely suurely buatkan along Akok and nek bat for me. it wasnt an easy job at all. i remember this one thing like a giant giling she used to painstakingly giling half a cup of beras at a time until it become fine powder, and mix it up with water, eggs and sugar and whatnot to make akok. As for the nek bat, Chik would patiently bake the cake using traditional dapur arang belakang rumah, red faced and berpeluh-peluh everytime.

once in a while if we were being good all day, Chik sometimes make us these grated dried kelapa muda n gula in those colourful paper tube, Saigon i think it is called or smthg.. or gula-gula tarik made from nisan, or some call it gula melaka. it was a feast everytime :)

Up until now, we could never find anything quite like chik's cookings anywhere we look, hi and lo, even the so called best akok/nek bat in town.

as we grow older though, arwahs health deteriotated. She had a combination of many old age diseases and started to have to use wheelchair to move around. my grand father, Tok Ki as we call him, had to renovate the house to make it easier for Chik to move around. The akok machine was given away, and the place where she used to bake my nekbat is turned into a small hut where Ki did carpentry to renovate the house.

Around that time too, i had to go away to boarding school and my relationship with Chik and Ki wasnt as close anymore. i went back only on occasions like raya or kenduri. Sometimes if mama or ayah call kampung pun, i rarely talk to them. most of the time, i was busy being self involved, being at that phase of so called adolescent.

Before i flew off here to the UK, i met Chik one last time. i remember there was only me and her in her room, i was making sure she took her meds and help her lie down on bed. I told her im going away to the UK. she asked me how long will i be here. I told her, insyaaallah, 5 years. that was when Chik smiled. She said, "baguslah angah, nnt balik jadik doctor bolehlah ubatkan Chik". I smiled back, with mixed feelings, mostly sadness. she pulled at my heartstrings with those words.

Little did i know, it was gonna be her last words to me.

ive been here for almost 9 months now. never once did i call Dungun to speak to Chik. I care for her deeply, everytime i call home, id ask mama n ayah bout her heatlh and all but never did i talk directly to her. Why, you ask me? i ask myself the same thing.

Mama called yesterday to tell me Chik has passed away. i hung up the phone feeling numb, but not sad. i felt empty. i didnt know what to feel.

only now, as i sat alone looking out the window, reciting Yaasin for her, im overwhelmed by all these memories. petty little memories come rushing back to me. and i cant seem to stop these tears from streaming down my cheeks.

and all thats left now, are those little pieces of memories.

Al-Fatihah.