more-than-just-words

Hokay what happened here?

2012-01-22T13:50:00.002Z

Last post exactly four months ago! 120 days ago. LOL longest writers block ever in my dictionary.

pftt yeah, writers block.

will write more this year, promise.

fast forward.

2011-09-21T18:36:00.004Z

Sorry for the super long hiatus. I was a little preoccupied with things and couldnt find the time to write properly. A lot has happened since the last post eventful, important events that i really shoulve written about.

For one thing, i have sat for the said test i was to be taking when i wrote the hiatus post. I passed everything and am very happy to tell you ill be graduating this december with a first class degree in biomedical sciences :D Alhamdulillah

Since then, i have started the 2nd phase of my clinical practice. I did paeds rotation for 10 weeks which i thoroughly enjoyed. So much happen in the rotation, so many kids ive met that have touched my life and make me smile and cry. I have learn so much. and im happy to share with you guys becoming a paediatrician is definitely at the top of my career option, as of now. :) insyaallah

while the rotation was super, the paeds exams i thought didn't go too well. results are not out yet, so all i can do now is keep my fingers crossed and carry on.

last weekend then i visited one of my best girls after the exam just to take the stress off the whole blunder that is my paeds exam before the start of my 2nd rotation. We went shopping, sight seeing, eat loads and gossips. the usual ;) I also got a surprise present from the other half that me teared up a little. thanks Zul you never cease to make me fall in love all over again :) it was an awesome weekend indeed.

this week, i started my new rotation on obs and gynae. its mostly introduction lectures 9-5, no babies delivered, no fannies swabbed, yet (lol!) so not particularly exciting week, but tiring all the same. ive also managed to lose my 3year old iphone on monday along the way after a very long day in the hospital. i have an unbelieveable attachment to the phone that it broke my heart to a million pieces once it hit me that ive really lost it (that is after running up and down the big hospital asking around helplessly to almost every security person/receptionists i saw with teary eyes and snotty nose.)

so there. that is what has been happening in my life so far. ups and downs.

i think its healthy that you are down in the dumps once in a while. it makes you stop and think. be thankful for what you have, appreciate things around you more, gets you closer to god, strengthens friendship and relationships, and teach you a lesson.

and well, the other good this is, the only way to go now, is up. ;)

talk to you soon

Is on

2011-06-15T23:27:00.005Z

a little hiatus.

As always, its the exams.

Even typing the word hiatus reminds me of hiatus hernia. and then that reminds me of other causes of GORD then i realised i dont remember much then i make a mental note to go over gastroenterology again. Then i realised i still havent gone through renal and immunology and might not have time to go over gastro again. then i go mental.

LOL.

Its not really that bad. Promise its not. i actually quite enjoy revising and learning and understanding more and more about so many diseases day after day. It is rewarding. But at the same time it does get daunting on certain days where i had little sleep or where i lose my cool that i have to know a ridikeles amount of info and revise n memorise for the sake of exams and i fear i may just not be properly reataining the knowledge to use later in life when im an actual doctor. That part is not fun :S

Anyhoo, exam i this coming Monday. 2 papers only and i practical. Then all is done and i shall be homebound!

Wish me luck people! Doakan i! I really wanna do well and be reassured so then i can enjoy my 2 week holiday with my family and the other half happily :)

Back to studying now!

ps- ive missed you too!

I wish I

2011-05-14T20:59:00.008Z

1) Could un-watch all the crazy Lady Gaga videos I watched today. because they are so disturbing and makes me feel uneasy

2) Had been consistent with my revision so I dont have this panic attack.

3) Was more careful with my spending. I owe every penny to my beloved state of Terengganu so I should spend wisely.

4) Had not merajuk. Because it melts my heart when he calls me in he middle of his night to apologise and talk and make me smile. Makes me miss him more.

5) Could stay at this weight regardless of the amount of galaxy cookie crumble that i eat. Not a pound thinner, nor fatter

5.5) Darn I wish i hadnt looked at the calorie count. a small bar of 100 gms is a freaking 2000kcal.

6) Am a better muslim and pray the five prayers on time and take more time to learn the Quran. Shouldn't we all?

7) Could read my feel good books, those shopaholic series instead of this crash course in cardiology.

8) Am with Mama and ayah in America now. And watch my one and only brother graduating :)

9) Am taller. So i can pull off a jumpsuit.

10) Whine less. Period.

picture off google

Graze Craze

2011-05-09T19:20:00.006Z

A package i almost forgot about arrived today and it lighten up my gloomy day at work. Look look looookkk!

Its my first free box of grazeeeeeee :D with four wonderful treats i could totally use as pick me ups! :D. So cute its got a little personal touch to it with your name and little booklet and everything. its awesome :D

Whats in the box this week? - Sweet goan curry crackers, honey bee good, billionaire's shortcake and savoury roasted seeds.

So i first heard about graze when i went to Yaz's place last month. Its a service that sends you healthy, fresh, low calorie tidbits weekly/ bi weekly / forthnightly depending on your request right to your doorstep. So when ure feeling peckish, instead of eating your sinful muffins/ snickers bars, you can munch on them! wonderful! You can choose the day you want it delivered.

Yaz gave me a coupon and i signed up about 2 weeks ago. I remember purposely putting it in as to be delivered on every Monday so I'll get a little nice surprise when I get back from hospital first thing in the week. And it was totally a good idea I would give myself a pat on the back if i could! :D

the first box is free when you claim a coupon. The second one is 1.50. The subsequent boxes are at normal price which is 3 pounds i think. You can tell them in advance if you wanna go on holiday that week so they wont send you one. Or you can change from weekly delivery to forthnight or bi weekly etc, totally up to you. You can even choose what treats to get from their chioce of 100 or so nuts/fruits/diet cookies. But i like surprises so i didnt choose, and let them pick for me this week ;) And i have to say they made a good choice they had me at first bite!

So guys if any of you would like a free box of graze, just gimme a holler, ive got 3 coupons for 3 free first boxes!

Stay healthy folks, Love always

Ps- Thank you Yazira!

Pps- I really should ask graze for a little comission for advertising them ;D

Rainy Monday

2011-05-09T18:56:00.006Z

A day's work in a clinic can be quite demanding. And i dont mean physically so much. But you can get emotionally wary. You see patients come in with a disease you cant cure. You see young little boy with gorgeous blue eyes and curly golden hair smiling to you and telling you you smell like strawberry, jumping around happily one minute and screaming and crying the next after you gave him three immunisation shots. Oh and the look he gave with that teary big blue eyes! You see old grown big men cry over the death of their loved ones. You see all sorts of things. And you cant help but to empathize and feel. It's just little things but these little things do get you down sometimes.

I guess i just have to learn to dissociate my feelings and my work better. Empathize but not feel. Be stronger and look on the bright side. And start saving the world, one patient at a time. Chin up!

Vlog 2.0

2011-04-20T16:58:00.008Z

About fricking time, right? :D LOL. soooo sorry! ive been really busy :( Clinicals are so tiring, but good kinda tiring, fun tired. I was at hospital half the time and the other half at home sleeping/ pigging out/ burying my nose in piles of notes and heavy books pretending to be revising while watching pretty little liars.

So i got home quite early today and i was sorting thru my work clothes and selendang, colour coding things and hangers (yes im a wardrobe freak like that) and trying out my old dresses and casual clothes and jeans and spring skirts that i rarely get to wear anymore nowadays :( i tried on my hijabs and experimented with a few styles. then..

you guessed it. i decided to make a hijab tutorial video. rest assured this video isnt as awkward as my 1st attempt at vlogging (at least i think so) LOL. This goes for you guys who have been missnig my face and my voice. Wait, what? you dont miss me? Well your mom does.

Weeheeee :D ttyl 'ppl of the internet' who says that? (O_o) oh right, i did (T_T)

2011-03-16T21:29:00.004Z

I believe I am going through a very important phase in my life as a doctor in the making. I keep reminding myself

'Oh, ive gotto pen this down somewhere, Ive got to remember this feeling i have when i see my first proper patient, or the atmosphere in an emergency department or the scene where everybody is talking all at once fighting for what they think is best for the patient.'

But mostly though, i want to be able to read back one day about the motivation i have now, the spirit and the relentless persistence and this thrist for knowledge i feel now, so that i would remember how exciting, touching, overwhelming and rewarding the whole thing is, should i one day have a hard time in medicine.

So thats just what i would do. :)

Starting this weekend, of course.

(oh yes, im still as big a procrastinator as i was before even after the eye opening experience in hospital of course, that bit has not change unfortunately - im a basket case.)

talk to you later.

Sunday Treats

2011-03-06T18:08:00.002Z

Molten chocolate lava cake - Work in progress. Brb with hopefully some tantalising pics :) wish me luck!

***

what it should look like

Obviously it was a failed attempt :(

Trial 2 coming up! Really soon!

23 reasons

2011-02-14T22:26:00.021Z

Today is the 23rd birthday of one of the most important person in my life; Zul. I could not even begin to describe how much he means to me. So i am gonna try to get across to you why he means so much to me and why i am so smitten with him :) So here goes the list of 23 reasons. In no particular order:

1- He is laid back. So he compliments my kelam kabut and easily excitable nature and makes me feel relaxed and comfortable around him.

2- He is someone I can count on. Although he is not a morning person, if its a big day for me or for him, he would be the one who gives me wake up calls and wish me luck and calms the jitters.

4- He cooks for me. ( More than i cook for him! :O )

5-And on occasions where i cook for him, he insists to do all the cleaning and washing up so i could 'go take a rest, you dah penat masak' Hello, i masak nasik goreng ngn telur dadar je maybe.

6- He involves me in his daily lives. Asks my opinion, take me to MtG places where nerds off happen; with that fat slob with greasy hair and lanky awkward boy with spectacles so thick his eyes seems incredibly small, staring at the cards with such intensity like the next one they are gonna play might just change the course of history.

7-And he is one of those nerds without the nerdy looks ;) So i could call him up and ask, Zul why is this and that? And i would get complete detailed answer as if i am listening to the audio version of howstuffworks.com. LOL

8- Despite that, he could be a hopeless romantic at times.

9- He introduces me to his friends and more importantly to his family.

10- He calls when he says he would

11- he notices the small things. How I wear my scarf differently. Its a new perfume. Fancy schmancy new shoes.

12- He remembers! Yeah you wore that white shirt that day and I said hi to you. and the rest was history.

13- He cares! There was this one time in Prague where we were strolling the streets and we had to stop sebab suddenly i had a massive fit of cough and got sick, probably from the bad food i ate. He saw a stranger carrying a carrier bag with something tht says what seems to be like the word Pharmacy in Czech i guess and ran to him and actually stopped that guy in his tracks to ask where could he find a pharmacy so he could get smthg for my cough. turns out that man dint speak english and he used every crude sign language to get his question across. Hehe so comel that i ended up feeling better n not so sick anymore :D (woman flu je maybe)

14- He continuously wants to improve himself. In all aspects of life. Career, spiritual, financial and works hard for it.

15- He reads

16- He shares his reads with me

17- He takes amazing photos and is persistent at it.

18- He teaches me what he knows

19- And asks me things he doesnt know but knows that i would.

20- He tells me little stories about when he was a little boy. that isnt necessarily big or significant. but he tells me anyway and smile when he recollets his memory.

21- He laughs a lot. and it is contagious.

22- He apologizes and he forgives

23- He adores me as much as i adore him.

There! 23 reasons why he is awesome on his 23rd birthday. :D i could go on all night but i have to save some for next year pulak. :) Its quite long and im not used to long posts but if you are reading up to this point, you should try writing a list about your significant other oh their special day as well! It feels so nice to actually pen this down and it saves time as well you know. so next year i could write smthg like this:

24 reasons I love you on your 24th birthday:

1- You are hot

2- refer the rest to last years post (inserts link)

See! You guys should totally try this out. :D

To Zul, Happy birthday! Have a great day and I can't wait to see you soon!

xxxxx Laila

History is made

2011-02-11T17:18:00.002Z

Alhamdulillah! After 30 years being in power, EX Egypt Presidnet, Hosni Mubarak stepped down finally exactly 30 minutes ago.

Now rebuild your nation, grow and prosper! We are with you every step of the way!

Love,

The rest of the world! :D

Youve got a fast car, and i want a ticket to anywhere.

2011-02-11T00:55:00.008Z

Maybe at this point I should come clean and tell you the reason I haven't been updating so much in here is because i've got a tumblr account, which I haven't really told anybody about and am not planning to anytime soon.

the reason being is that the tumblr posts are ones which i tend to be more emotional and more touchy-feely. and i post there whenever im mad/irritated with someone/something/both, or when i feel sad. A sort of an outlet for my negative emotion; you can call it that. And ive been posting there more than i do here lately (which means i might just have to go on another retail therapy session soon to heal my spiteful distressed self, LOL)

Anyway, the reason im updating today to share agood news with you! have you guys heard of the band boyce avenue? They are basically a band formed by 3 brothers; Alejandro, Fabian and Daniel Manzano from Florida. They mostly do acoustic cover of popular songs on youtube as requested by fans. One of the brothers is a Harvard law school graduate, i think while the other two are a students in the uni of Florida. They started singing as a past time thing and uploaded their videos on you tube and around three years ago they became a hit. a HUGE hit!

I discovered them when i first came to the UK. i was talking to zul about this one linkin park song, and browsing for cover versions of it on youtube. I found them and at that time it only had a couple of hundred thousdand viewers i think and i was totally hooked! They cover songs from the 90 as well that hold loads of memories to me :)

Their versions are so good and they usually change the lyrics that are filled with sexual innuendos or nasty things to something much more meaningful and sweet. Amazing hey!! A playlist filled with their songs are on replay everyday, all the time now.

Now, three years down the line, theyve begin to produce their own songs tho wiki says they gonna slow production down this year as the other 2 brothers are gonna continue their studies. However before they slow down their singing career, they gonna have a tour!

So anyways, here's the good news! I woke up this morning and found out that boyce avenue is gonna do a Europe Tour later this year heyyyy!!! They'll have a gig in london, birm, manchester and cardiff in May!!! If you guys havent check them out yet, please do! just listen to a few songs and i promise you you will love them! And after you have check them out, pretty please teman i pergi gig diorang? :D

so, to start your assignment of discovering boyce avenue, have a listen to their cover to fast cars, by tracy chapman in collaboration with Kina Grannis, another of my fav youtube artist, which i shall talk more about later. For now, enjoy this amazing cover of an amazing song :)

ps- found the uku tab for this! :D

A Leader with a big appetite for his people's blood.

2011-02-11T00:46:00.003Z

Why he refuses to step down and more importantly HOW does he sleep at night, is really unfathomable to me. My heart goes out to all the Egyptians and my prayers as well. It's good to see men and women from different religions of all ages, come together in critical times like this and fight for their country after decades of being the the tyrannic regime of the said man with a thirst for blood. God bless their brave hearts. Hold steadfast brothers and sisters, you are almost there, I could smell the revolution, keep pushing him down, the world is behind you! Do it peacefully, but DO IT!

Season to be Jolly, for a while at least :)

2010-12-28T21:59:00.009Z

hi there. its been a while hasn't it? I literally forgot this space exists thus the lack of posts this past few weeks. so today i was blog hopping then thought i might as well say couple of words and say hi to you people. i have also just realised the profile,followers and cbox tabs yada3 are now at the bottom of the page, only god knows why. i tried meddling around with the design and layout to fix it but then all the scary html css terms came up. of course, i freaked out and just hit the close window button. :O Oh well, like anybody cares :D well, i dont, i just feel like ranting today.

the thing is, i should not feel like ranting today. i should not feel like doing anything at all other than sit here in front of my laptop and bust my brains out because i have a 15000 words dissertation to write and i have to send it in the next few weeks. but i know you know me well. procrastination is my middle name. :D

anyhoo, its December now. the new year is looming. was talking to Zul the other day bout resolutions and i realised i havnt think up of any yet. (not that i usually keep to my resolutions anyway) but it is nice to have them and join the world with the spirit of newness of the year, turning over a new leaf and that kinda stuff, dont you think?

speaking of December, it is also the time of the year that i have always associated with joy. for one, the winter sale is going on and it is CRAHZY! I got myself truckloads of stuff and now my tiny almari cant fit my clothes anymore im thinking of going out to shop for almari pulak! :O LOL.

3 out of 3456596 unnecessary clothes i got from december sale. I need help, i know

Also, its the holiday season which equates to travelling and spending time with loved ones. my fisrt winter here, i went travelling in Italy with my best girls. last year, went to Barcelona with my family and this time we went to Paris and Geneva. Boy, those are some really good times i have to tell you :D And this year, even nenek joined us! Tremendous fun indeed.

with the kids at disneylanddddd

December also holds a very special place in my heart because this month 4 years ago, someone amazing came along and adds colours to my life with his companionship,love, care and support. I can be quirky, silly and sloppy, i can cry a river or laugh like an asmathic mad woman having a seizure (ie be myself) and be sure he will still stand by my side and hold my hand tight. He is truly a gem :)

And hopefuly next year, i can add another event to my list of joyful things in december; my first degree graduation, InsyaAllah. well then, I should really get back to my dissertation shouldnt i? *sigh*

TTYL peeps :)

****

uuuu~ the new layout is pretty fit isnt it? oh well what dya know. org buta coding pon bole ada cool blog okay? 8-)

Random little things that makes you smile :)

2010-11-28T17:09:00.005Z

A professor winked at you and greeted you good morning early MONDAY morning
Surprise birthday gifts at your door.
Playing on the game console for hours with your best friend when you should be at school :D
That guy in silent study zone in library who waved, smiled sheepishly and mouthed 'hi' everytime you catch him looking at you.
To have little snow flakes fall upon your lashes after a hard day in labs.
Cozy warm boots that keep your feet dry.
A card with writings all over it, on both pages from your other half.
Thronton's little toffee cupcakes.

never gets old

2010-11-14T18:39:00.008Z

I turn 21 yesterday :) the quintessential age that defines the beginning of adulthood. To be honest, i still cannot believe I was 20 years old all year last year (haha) let alone being 21 years old now! :O My birthday celebration this year was small and sweet nontheless.

It started on midnight of the 14th, when i got a text which says:

'As the clock strikes midnight,

a girl's life changes, it just might,

a trail to follow to spice it all up,

will she succeed or get lost in the dark?'

your adventure awaits just outside your door!

(or something like that!, i dah terdelete! :( )

i was getting ready to sleep, lights out, snug and comfy in my jammies, feeling a little bogged down by all the stresses of studying for my upcoming exam lusa, which i have not done much in term of preparation!

Anyhoo, thats another story. The text made me feel like im in some sort of a fairy tale story, macam dalam cerita alice in wonderland :). i was so excited! i tiptoed outside. the house was

already dark and dead quiet, everybodys asleep or getting ready to sleep. I then found the first clue that says 'let's play a game'. (haha and now i felt like i was in Saw movie!) it then lead me to a series of post it notes hidden in a few places places, that had me running up and down the stairs rummaging thru the milk bottles in the fridge and detergent boxes in the laundry room looking for clues.

comel takkkkkkkk?? :D :D I oohed and aahed with every clue that finally led me to find a birthday card with well wishes from my dearest housemates :D :D sweettt kaaannnn? :D :D

on the actual day of my birthday, i had a nice long sleep in, woke up feeling to the sun shining on my face, called home and open the present from the other half. its so sweet how he remembers all the little passing remarks i made of how awesome would it be to have this or that no matter how months has passed between then and now, and got the the right present at the right time that put a smile on my face all day :) (PDA alert, Milo) He always, always, makes my day no matter how far away he is. :) :) love sgt!

Later that day, we went out to the city center, ate at a sushi bar, shop a little and went back home. It was a perfect day and i really appreciate how the housemates melayan i pergi sana sini despite the fact that exam is just around the corner. Gosh, i am blessed with such wonderful people around me. I miss Zul and my family in Malaysia, but am very grateful for this wonderful people around me now. Thank you korang, thank you Allah :)

Now, if you would excuse me, im gonna go and dafter mengundi :D

xxxxxx

OMG and i just have to put this video here. its the sweetest thing! i started going awwwww when i see all the dear familiar faces in the video. i miss them all!

ps- hello girls, the indon tudung IS fashionable ok? :P

It's NOVEMBER!

2010-11-04T18:41:00.003Z

and i have sooooo many things uncrossed in my things-to-do-before-21 list. :(

Autumn bloom

2010-10-31T13:41:00.003Z

The first semester of my third year as a medical students are a complete change from what ive been going through in the past 2 years of medical school. Its been sending me into a whirlwind of psychological and physical states (which i must point out is not always horrible) and put me through very stressful situations of dealing with things out of my control.

This semester, I got myself involved in medial research. Not main-main punya involved, like 100% involved, my very own project, my own research, ideas and towards the end nnt, writing up my own thesis in which i would have to present to the course coordinator and insyaallah get my first degree (in biomedical sciences) before proceeding to medical degree! *fingers crossed*

the first few weeks was very challenging, imagine 2 weeks of 9-7pm work in a lab, most days without lunch, 7 days a week only to find out at the end of the cycle that all your cells you've been feeding and monitoring for the past week died on the very last day, the day where you wanna do the end point analysis. Thus, deeming all your hard work useless as you could generate no data. Nada. Sebab all the little cells, all 70+ sets of cells dah mati :S

But oh well, you live and learn. alhamdulillah things are much better now, in fact ive come to the last weeks of my lab works and generated sound, reliable datas to be used in my write up. the working hours is shorter as my techniques in culturing the cells and doing the end point assays improved. Now, i feel like i can breathe again. :)

(the housing area, Dunkirk 'Jaya' from my window)

So yeah, hello all :) i know its been ages since i last updated but i just wanna let you know im alive and doing well. Will update more with pictures of my new pad :D

Vague

2010-09-24T18:32:00.004Z

They say writing can be therapeutic. I think i can use a bit of therapy right this moment.

I have been meaning to write over the summer. I even put the last post as summer story - 1. Implying that there was going to be story 2 3 and so on. And i really thought there was gonna be. Apologies for that.

Ive had such a good time over the summer. I got to meet some friends; old and new. Reconnected with family members i usually rarely spoke to and spending quality time with especially my mom; getting down to talk more about real world stuff, stuff about growing up, my future the uncertainties of it all and figuring out what i really want in life and what are the priorities. I enjoy these talks with Mama. It is even better when i get to share it with the other half - and have him helping me paint the picture of the future. It was nice and comforting.

I didnt really go out do the hu-ha happy kinda stuff so much this time around. Instead i found myself learning a lot of little things taught by many people from unassuming strangers (projek kalsom esp. but more on that later) to my very own flesh and blood that is family members. Things that touch your heart, things that is far more important than what is taught in the textbooks.

So when I came back to the UK last week, Id like to think of myself as a different, more motivated (wo)man. A grown up and more matured self, ready to take on the world with positiveness, always remembering to count my blessings and remain unperturbed, full with gusto for life, even when faced with the worst case scenarios.

A few days has passed now. And Im getting more and more caught up with the stresses of daily life and bogged down with worries i know i shouldnt have. It has been a really really rough week for me (dont get me started) and i need to constantly remind myself that this too, shall pass. I dont want the joys, lessons and self discoveries i made in the last 3 months got blown away and forgotten in this trivial mess that I know, shall pass.

Insyaallah.

More updates and picture of my new house when i feel less moody. till then

The Summer Story - 1

2010-07-13T05:38:00.004Z

25/6/2010 – Cafe Nero, London Heathrow Airport; a steamy cup of hot choc, a roasted tomato Panini and an oversized double chocolate cookies. We talked and laughed until it was time for me to board. He sent me off until the security gate, my heart heavy, my mouth dry. At the risk of tearing up, i said my goodbye, hastily, and walked to the security gate. I got pass the security personnel, a Pakistani lady with a kind smile and she said ‘Apa khabar?’ as she cheked my passport and ticket. I smiled and nodded, joined the queue. I methodically took my laptop out, my phone, keys, coins and put them onto the conveyor belt. ‘Belt, keys, necklaces or earrings, madam?’ A big man motioned to the container in front of me. I touched the red heart shaped Swarovski crystal on my chest, ‘No’ and I remembered to look back. But I couldn’t see him, there were too many people, the queues were obstructing my view. Damn.

26/6/2010 – In a couple of hours, i’ll be in Malaysia! So far I’ve watched Dear John (which was so-so), Up (so good i even teared up a little! Haha!) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (how does Brad Pitt manage to look so hot and so old at the same time?) and Edward Scissorshand- it amazes me how i used to think this story is so cool 10 years ago but now that i watched it again its only plain, almost stale even.

I surreptitiously chose all JB songs and put it on my InFlight entertainment playlist, praying to Dear God nobody sees this. Suddenly, Elizabeth, a girl I just knew 10 hours ago, tapped on my shoulder, ‘I nak pergi toilet, sorry’ I stood up and made way for her. :O Harap2 die tak nampak!

****

A pakcik helped me with my 30-kilo luggage. I pulled my trolley, craning my neck looking for some familiar faces. I felt like I was in a movie. The scene where long lost family members were about to be reunited for the first time after years. Heheh. Then I saw them. Waving and smiling. Familiar, much loved faces. ‘Mama!! ’ We hugged and made our way to the car, chattering away. Ahh, home is indeed where the heart is J

Halfway There

2010-05-24T10:35:00.004Z

I'm done with 40 credit hours worth of exam, another 40 to go. The sun is waiting right outside my door. Lets keep going guys. Slow and steady wins the race :)

Insyaallah

Reposted: Exam season

2010-05-16T17:24:00.001Z

2nd year Finals starts in less than 24 hours. Bismillah.

O Allah, grant us the calmness of the mind and help us through this hard times. Bestow upon us Your mercy, and success at the end of it all. We have done all there is in our power to do, shine upon it Barakah O Allah, and we leave the rest to You, our Most Magnificent. Help us o Most Benificient and Most Merciful as without You, indeed we are nothing.
Amin

Goodluck everyone. Lets do this :)

Obligatory Update

2010-05-09T16:26:00.001Z

ktnxbai.

Time Out

2010-04-04T13:39:00.003Z

Im leaving Notts for a couple of weeks to engage with Nature, friends and loved ones. :) :) :)

Spring is here, rejoice earthlings!

The perfect couple

2010-03-27T21:34:00.006Z

The perfect couple takes care of each other in sickness or in health (even if its just manflu ;)
They stand by each other through hard times and good times.
He surprises her with beautiful sets of diamonds that made her almost teared up everytime.
They sneak out to watch movies or have dinner dates, just the two of them.
She goes present hunting for him all over KL to find him the perfect gift.
He calls her everyday from work just to see what shes doing.
They buy each other books that they know the other would really like.
She mustve got to his heart thru his tummy, oh yes she has with that cooking!
And he compliments her cooking everyday unfailingly! (okay, sometimes she askes again and again and again until he has to say it is in fact sedap.. hehe)
They ask each other and discuss everything before making decisions.
He lets her watch the soaps even when he wants to watch football.
She bakes him cookies and pack them in tupperwares to bring to work! :D

And more than anything, the perfect couple functions as a unit.
They complement each other in every way and adore each other even after years and years of being together.
They respect each other and above everything, they love each other unconditionally. :)
This post goes to the perfect couple who has the most special place in my heart, Ayah and Mama. What you two have is timeless and amazing :)

Happy 23rd Wedding Anniversary.
Love you loads :)

Past

2010-03-06T23:45:00.005Z

I encountered someone by surprise today. He brought back distant almost forgotten memories playing in my head over and over like old rolls of films. He rocked the stage, and i heard girls around me going ga ga over him. I was once one of them, it just made me smile. :)

I went up to see him afterwards to congratulate him and the band. We were just like all other old friends. It wasn't awkward, he didn't feel like a stanger, but we talk silly, mundane things. Like old friends who didn't know how to pick up where they left off. We exchanged polite smiles and spoke a few words until it was time for me to leave, and him back to the screaming girls.

I encountered someone by surprise today. Hes a rockstar, and Im a girl next door.
It just made me smile.
:)

Med Studens make lousy, paranoid, hypochondriac patients.

2010-02-09T18:17:00.011Z

I was feeling a bit under the weather last week. i got tired really easily and close friends made remarks that i seemed a wee bit quieter. I just felt generally unwell and well to be fair last week was indeed quite hectic.

On friday just before going to class, i went thru the refrigirator to find something to bawak bekal pergi sekolah. yes call me old fashioned but i bring packed lunch from home almost everyday. its just a whole lot easier, cost effective and i dont have to keep eating the boring egg/tuna sandwiches sold at the cafe. So i found this last piece of garlic/corriander nan bread. it was 3 days passed its used by date but wth right, its not mouldy, and its in the peti sejuk. i was sure its not gonna kill me. So i poped it into the oven and bawak bekal pergi skolah with some chicken strips :) yeay!

Well, to put it simply, kill me it didnt, but it made me suffer so bad i was on bed most of the weekend! I had bouts of fever and had to go to the toilet countless of time and had this very severe stomach cramps that made me feel so helpless cause nothing i did make it better so i just groaned n sulked, burying my face in the pillow wishing id never eaten the naan. Ok i may have dramatized it a lil but i swear it was so so sakit! :(

So anyways on monday i was feeling a bit better. Coincidentally, that day, we had a lecture about gastroenteritis and we were feasted with all the statistical data of all sorts of bacteria and viruses roaming around that could give you terrible stomach infections that makes you really ill and and some might even lead to death :O

it goes without saying what i did next. i was really concerned and went to see the GP. I explained to the GP all my symptoms in great detail and he did the abdominal examinations on me to rule out appendicitis. i was even set to give him my stool sample but thankfully he didnt think he needed it just yet, since my symptoms was pretty mild and i appeared normal and healthy. Hahaha! lega okay! Mcm mana nak bg stool sample kalau u ada diarrhea btw eh?

ok maybe we all would rather not think bout it.

So basically he reassured me it was nothing serious and i just have to go home drink lots of water and come again if the symptoms dont resolve by the end of the week. He didnt prescribed me anything but gave me thisA patient information leaflet! :D hehehe how cute right! Alhamdulillah im feeling a lot lot better today and hopefully i wouldnt have to go to the Gp again and give my stool sample :S

Later alligators!

Doctor falls sick too sometimes.

2010-01-30T22:04:00.005Z

This blog makes me realise just how small my worries and silly everyday complaints are compared to the one he is facing. Though I only met him for a mere 3 days or so in a motivational camp, pre departure to UK and dont know much about him, his story is noting short of inspirational, eye opening. Tear jerking even.

It rendered me speechless, this story of his. There's only so much we could plan, and the rest is ordained by The Almighty. Ingat lima perkara sebelum lima perkara, they say.

May you get well soon, doctor.

here there everywhere

2010-01-27T10:23:00.009Z

The family, minus the brother :( came to visit me during the last winter break. it was by far, the most awesome month yet i have since ive been in England. well travelling with the other half and my best girls is a close second lah :)

We went to spain for a week. The two little sisters did some serious shopping. you cant blame them when Zara n MNG tees and blouses were sold at prices as low as 3 euros can you? :D Also If you go to Barcelona, make it a point to spend at least half a day in Parc Guell, its like magic land, brings you back to your childhood days :)

Back in UK, i took them around in Nottingham then we went to Mansfield and Sheffield, doing touristy stuffs and our last stop was London. We met up with another 3 families here and spend a week in the capital. The boyfriend joined us the whole time, entertaining the kids and guiding us around London. He totally stole my aunties hearts, i kid you not ;)Sending them off at Stansted was hard. I missed the cousins, the shopping (oh, the shopping!), the long walks with them and simply just their presence :) But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do i guess, i went back to Nottingham the following day with loads of revision to do in +-10 days before the exam began!

Glad the exams over, with no panic attacks or nervous breakdown ;) Alhamdulillah. the result however, was a whole different story all together, whats done is done. We can just pray and hope now.

oh on that note, the boyfriend gave me a book to read just before i left London for Nottingham after the family visit. Its the ever so famous The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Ive been wanting to read it for quite a while, after the late arwah Sara mentioned it in her blog. But the timing i got hold of this book couldnt have been more perfect, thank you Zul. All i have to say is that you don't have to take all they say as it is, pick and choose what you wanna believe, but the essence on the secret makes perfect sense to me. The Secret is amazing! Go read it! :D

much love

The meek shall inherit the earth

2010-01-21T15:22:00.005Z

exams over, finally :) :) :)
it went okay, keep your fingers crossed for me until the results out tau!
now, its weekend getaway time! :D
Leeds, here i come.

ps for clarification, the gemuk girl in the black bomber jacket is me on the meridian line. Conquering the world east and west ;)

awesome

2010-01-13T13:11:00.001Z

Nice little surprise :)

2010-01-12T10:33:00.004Z

Stoodle (Status Doodle) and banner taken from here.
Thank you stoodlerist!

2010-01-11T20:21:00.003Z

Exam Season

O Allah, grant us the calmness of the mind and help us through this hard times. Bestow upon us Your mercy, and success at the end of it all. We have done all there is in our power to do, shine upon it Barakah O Allah, and we leave the rest to You, our Most Magnificent. Help us o Most Benificient and Most Merciful as without You, indeed we are nothing.
Amin

Goodluck everyone. Lets do this :)

Everything will fall....

2010-01-03T22:16:00.005Z

Fall into place, hopefully. Gravity is impartial.

*****

ive got soooo much to tell you but got to hold the horses, its the tough times people, i need all the time in the world to go thru all the notes!

as always,

when the going gets tough,
the tough gets going.

later alligators please pray i get thru this exam season alive ;)
kthxbai

*****

oh ye tak ye, happy new year la ye.

Returning favours

2009-11-22T21:55:00.006Z

As medical students, you'd have countless encounters with cadavers in learning anatomy. be it handling prosections, wax specimens, or if you're lucky like us medics in Nottingham, you get to dissect the cadaver with your own bare hands. Ok slash that. Your own gloved hands. ;)

Your experiences would range from cleaning out the fat lobules on various fatty parts of the anatomy, or delicately demonstrate the various muscles, nerves and blood vessels, to scarping out substances from various orifices. All this done baring in mind that it must all be done professionally, in the name of education. It was weird and unsettling at first but as we get into the routine, it was pretty awesome actually; to be able to see touch and explore the organs Nature has cleverly created in all its glory.

You came out each week from the dissection room, with heads held up or low (depending on how the weekly spotter assessment went), not to mention, without failing, smelling like formaldehyde, a wee bit more knowledgeable, and most importantly; grandly more confident in using the scalpel, saws and drills to hopefully help you during the early years of practice later on.

For us in Nottingham this coming week would be the last week of dissection. Like completing a puzzle, organs will be put back into the bodies, dissection tables scrubbed clean and our white coats that we've donned for the last 12 months be passed down to the juniors. As a sign of respect, next week too, we would attend the funerals and say our thank yous personally to the family members of the kind hearted, once-alive bodies that have allowed us to learn many new, exciting things.

After this, we owe them the cadavers one; to be good anatomists and doctors, keep that in mind :)

InsyaAllah

twen-frickin'-ty

2009-11-18T00:06:00.006Z

i turned 20 on the 14th. Alhamdulillah.
20
two-ooh
i had a wonderful time spending the weekend with Zul and the flatmates. I am so lucky to be blessed with such lovely ppl :) from the bottom of my heart, thanks lovelies.

on a more serious note, 20 it really is a quite scary age to be. you're no longer a teen. youre a -ty aged person now. no more excuse at the back of your head saying 'geez this is too serious a stuff, malas la nak pikir. no matter, i can do it later, ill put it down in my list of to dos b4 20' (okay i know most prolly i je have that kinda lists) but the point is, you're a grown up. And you have to grow up. (well not literally, i cant grow any up dah kot) You have to start taking responsibility and steer your life the way you want it to go. youve got to start thinking what am i gonna do with my life, in what way will i affect the ppl around me, what am i gonna give back to the world. You've get to get up and go. Time flies and the world isnt gonna wait for you. So we've gotto step up.

ps- had a chat with J about the 20hood and stuff and we realised that this decade is most prolly gonna have the most life altering events of our lives maybe. This decade we will make or break in medical school. thus getting a medical degree (insyaAllah) and become doctors! We would start practicing, we might get married and OMG we might even have our 1st children in this decade! Like, seriously!

Better never than late

2009-11-09T20:34:00.006Z

I was running around the med school looking for my lost Uni Card today between lectures and i came in late for CLS lecture. Dah la lecturer tu Associate Dean of Med School, i pulak dah strategically put my bag n books dead in the middle of the crowded theatre, konon nak get a better view of the ever exciting Lecture pasal stroke.
The lecture was starting, everybody was concentrating. As soon as i entered through the back door je, Prof L from far down below stopped his lecture in the middle of his sentence and looked straight at me. The whole damn lecture went dead silent, and everybody turned their heads round to see what he was looking at. all 300 freaking pairs of eyes bored into my soul with grudging look as ive cause distruption to the lecture. (T_T) I had to climb down the stairs, asked 5 ppl at least to get up and make way for me so i could get to my seat. With all eyes on me, chewah, :D gosh i swear it was the longest 10 seconds in my life. Felt like i was a two headed monster or smthg!
Sorry Prof, Sorry guys!

This kinda love.

2009-11-05T17:59:00.005Z

I saw an old couple today. They were walking in front of me towards the main entrance of the hospital. The lady wore a knee length brown hooded trench coat while the husband with greying hair wore a matching winter jacket. They walked really slowly. I noticed the lady has varicosed veins on her leg while the old man's foot was a bit edematous. I fastened my pace and walk beside them, not wanting to miss my letcure. Smiled a polite and embarrased smile, replied by their thin lips curved up.

They have their hands clasped to each others' while their other hands gripping tightly to walking sticks. Both wore a single Red Poppy on the chests and have that solemn, calm look on their faces, amongst all those busy medical students and other professionals.

They keep walking and walking, slowly, in the cold November rain, in each others hand. In my eyes, its like whatever the world throws at them, their love and care for each other could never waned. :)

I want this for you and me. I want this for all of us. :)

all the way from london

2009-10-25T23:45:00.005Z

thank you for your thoughtfulness
thank you for making my day perfect. :)

<3

(and thank you mister F for carrying it around although i know you were very busy yesterday!)

vlog phail

2009-10-18T12:35:00.003Z

i was watching some vlogs on youtube and i thought hey this is cool i can do that. so i wrote on a piece of paper what i wanna talk about and stuff, put on my tudung and press rec on my lappie. i got thru the first few planned sentences; introduction and stuff. then.... umm well.. i just thought' okay this isnt working.

i shy shy cat lah! vlog is totally not fo me ;| maybe next time

ps - any tips anyone?

A (little too much) breath of fresh air

2009-10-11T15:55:00.007Z

Although its just little changes here and there, im loving the new look of my revamped room + bathroom ;)

but the potpourri is a tad too strong lah :| how now?

reducing the redundancy

2009-10-06T21:19:00.008Z

We are what we are today because of what happened to us yesterday. we mightve had a hard time, with all the conflicts, dilemmas, dramas and misunderstandings, but those are the things that have thankfully shaped us up, things we tragically lost our innocence to, things that fortunately didnt kill us, but makes us stronger.

We have to know how to put the past behind us, and instead of brooding over the spilt milk, wipe away our tears, and learn from our mistakes;

So that in the future, we will always check first that there is enough toilet paper before doing our bussinesses. We will listen to our our moms the next time they told us that whatever we are about to do is not a good idea. We would make sure we get the right person before hugging them from behind and say things we are not suppose to say to stangers. and most importantly of course, we would think (and look around!) ;) before we speak.

We have been taught the subject History from the early age so we didn't repeat the same mistakes our ancestors did. And we must vow to ourselves not to repeat the same mistakes that we ever did.

Because now, we are older, we are wiser.
Because now, we know better.

Back where we started :)

2009-09-22T17:20:00.011Z

Today, on our way to crash the second openhouse of the day, missJ said i look like a mak datin. missA agreed and I tottally disagree, nominating another friend of ours who look more mak datin-ish.

We had a good laugh then silence fell. J then took back her words. She said, come to think about it again, Laila, you dont look lika a mak datin lah, you know what you look like?

umhm?

You indeed look like a Datuk's partner, but you not the Datin, you're like the secret lover!

(T_T)

And so the usik-usik begin. Tu belum kira MrF n J's little quarrels lagi. hehe.the famous four is back

Home sweet home. :)

But such is life

2009-09-20T21:21:00.008Z

I moved in yesterday.

To say that my room was in a mess is an understatement; there was barely any space for me to step my foot.

i think i just broke my back unpacking the seemingly endless boxes and packages.hehe

This new flat, new room, doesnt feel like mine, it's sad. :|

Im thousands of miles away from home, from my family. They are my rock. I miss the comfort of home.

i think i mightve just hurted somebody's feeling :|

i lost the pensel tekan i vowed not to hilangkan :(

this is not what i have in mind how my raya would be like.

oh what a day.

i have to keep reminding myself to count my blessings today.

long overdue

2009-09-14T16:39:00.007Z

ive been meaning to blog loads of time during the course of my 3 month sabbatical summer in malaysia. but my bed, comfort food, quality time with loved ones and sleeping always, always got the upper hand.

tomorrow, im going back to the England. not really psyched to begin the new term, as a matter of fact, im feeling a bit blue this few days. its not that im not thrilled to be starting my 2nd year in med school, learning new skills, meeting new people and travelling around with friends and stuff like that, but im just feeling a bit sentimental leaving all those behind for a while in the mood of festivities.

i would definitely miss Mama and her naggings when i put the wrong ingredients in the mixing bowl for kuih raya :O , or like when i woke up reaaal late and we are suppose to go baju raya hunting together :D (not that mine mattered considering my raya days will be spent in the disectting room with my long abandoned cadaver, Betsy. oh dear Betsy i wonder how you must smell by now!)

i am deeply grevely sorry that i wouldnt get to see ayah live in his pink baju melayu this year! :O pictures wont do justice to such occasions.

i will miss nagging nurul to 'belajau la Nurul, PMR nak dekat niii' as she is watching disney channel or chatting on her myspace. (what is it with kids today and myspace? facebook la babe, so 2007 la you all) and watch as she pull faces and retreat to her bedroom. :p

i will definitely miss iqa n along as i dont get to spend time as much with them. along went back to US mid August. and Iqa was home for a week on the start of Ramadhan. hehe i just remembered how along suka strum his guitar to 9 crimes by Damien Rice and i would pipe in and sing with him like nobodys business. mama actually said we sounded good together and we considered putting a video on youtube hey. (but you guys should be thankful that stays as idea sahaja :D i have a feeling mama was being sacarstic).

as much as i dislike leaving, i guess, i ve got to do what ive got to do. the three months holiday has been great and i should be starting this new term full of energy. i know im gonna need it. Looking back, i have had the chance to do almost everything i planned to do over the holidays. (plus a week of impromptu visit to Australia! :D) ive had enough fun and (hopefully adequate) bit of humanitarian and charity work. ive definitely had enough sleep and without a doubt have had far less care over what i was eating. (i have to tell you i am 4kgs fatter so if u havent seen me in a long time, you could be polite and nice and try not to stare at my humongous bottom the next time you see me)

well, to say the least,if anything, this holiday has been truly refreshing. and now its time to move along. ready or not, here we go again folks

ps- doakan i selamat sampai UK OK? Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin.

the reason the willow weeps

2009-09-10T17:07:00.002Z

is here;

its so you dont have to

taken from IWroteThisForYou, his words calms me when i need soothing. thank you.

random pics

2009-07-28T16:08:00.012Z

hello i feel like updating. words are failing me nowadays. i cant use proper english OR Bahasa. so i put pictures. i am cameraless now. so i imagine not long from now, when my english will still be broken, and my Bahasa is no better, and i cant put up pictures nomore, i would start posting wordless n picturesless posts with only punctuation marks or smthng to depicts my story and feelings. cool huh? :D

okay now. you can ignore me. im just rambling. just to let you know im still alive and doing okay around my loved ones. :) also, i have to let you know that;

i met Tony the airasia guy on my way back to msia. he was on the same flight and went around to greet every passenger and thank us 'for flying with AirAsia'

i put on 4 kilos while at home.

i passed 1st year with better than expected results (alhamdulillah) :) and will go back to the UK in less then a couple of months, before raya :(

i went to trg the other day to give motivation to school kids! :)

i visited my old (primary) school!! *oh the nostalgia!

ive visited 2 out of 3 of the arwahs i planned to visit whom all passed away when i was in England. *innalillah, Alfatihah*

i watched a few movies and had a good time with great company

i ate durians

i ate a lot of durians

and i havent buy anything since the megasale started. (ur cue to pat me on my back)

:) thats all for now.

2009-07-13T16:57:00.000Z

the best thing just happened to me :))

more updates later ppl

the best-est thing ever.

Is in London :D

2009-06-14T23:32:00.003Z

and going to Switzerland tomorrow! yehaaaaaaaaa

and guess what guess what, the next time im posting, ill most prolly be be back in Malaysia! :O insyaallah

keep in touch kawan2!
muah2!

hello, summer :D

2009-06-12T13:30:00.007Z

exam was officially over yesterday and we unwind ourselves with a trip to Alton Towers and a lavish dinner at some Malaysian restaurant here in lovely Nottingham. it was a crazy+fun+tiring day indeed. i got on the claimed to be the longest vertical ride in the world and on a ride so fast (i think it was 100mph) i left all the exam stress residues blown away, gone with the wind!
(excuse the photo quality, it was a pic of a pic)

Fiqry and I mulled over for what seems like forever to decide wheather or not to take on the ride and we finally decided; oh well, what the heck, why not right? hehehe. Two thumbs up!!

(and sorry again fo the upside down vid, oh well, i cant be botherd)

I wish i could write more but i really ought to pack up, my room is a MESS.all the packings up to do aside, im elated. The boyfriend is coming over tomorrow and we will go on a holidayy next weeekkk!! :DD

alrighty, i better get back to packing. ttyl.

enjoy folks the sun is finally here :)

2009-05-26T14:53:00.002Z

exam starts today!

Oh Allah, open our minds, strengthen our confidence and bestow upon us your mercy. We've done all that we can oh God, and we know the rest is ordained by You. Oh Allah, accept our prayers for you are the Almighty, Most Merciful.

Amin.

:) All the best people!

do you see what i see?

2009-05-22T19:11:00.004Z

my first paper is this tuesday. My head feels really heavy and i am tired all the time. this is the hard times, folks.

but its at times like this that the littlest thing you find when you least expected it, those little things really lift up you spirit.

do you see what im talking about?

i was about to go to class when i noticed it. it just makes my day :)

its all in the mirror and i think its been there for months now :)

sisters!

2009-05-20T08:08:00.004Z

maybe its the exam madness but im missing malysia so much right now. i miss malaysian food, home and loved ones.

nurul dah form 3 and has started writing those kinda essays for PMR (click to enlarge picture) and iqa dah tinggggiiiiii. even taller than i am maybe! hahahah.

cepat3 habis exam!!!

berusaha ppllll!!

hiyahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Holding it all together as best as i could

2009-05-14T06:59:00.006Z

i havent call home for two days so i I called this morning. Nurul answered it and i asked her to pass me to Mama. Theres something different in her voice, trembling, almost inaudible. Maybe poor connection, i thought.
i jokingly asked her

"knapa mama sounds so sad ni, tak mau ckp ngn angah ke? :( "
"bukan lah angah, sbb mama mmg tgh sad'
"oh, why why why, crite la"

and thats when mama asked me wther ive read yesterdays newspaper. i Knew then something just isnt right.

"Abg Alim dah xde ngah"
"oh, kenapa kenapa? die pegi mana?"
"die dah xde ngah, die accident smlm, it was in the newspaper."
"...... bila ma? kenapa? apa jadi?"
"smlm, malam pukul 10, die accident just 5 mins away from his home. baru je mama jumpe die 2 days ago."
"innalillah" and i cried my heart out...

****
abg alim is my cousin sebelah Melaka. if im not mistaken, he is 25/26 this year. His real name is Faizal and i have no idea where we get the Alim nickname from.

i have always adored Abg Alim for his endearing personality. not to mention, he is quite a heart throb. :) I used to jokingly call him Yusry KRU, because, he exatly look like him when he dress up smartly. During family gath, Abg Alim yang paling rajin melayan all the sepupu2. He would do a few trips and take us all to the mall for a movie or just for ais kacang together.

Now, at 26, Abg Alim was a budding bussiness man. He owned a grocery store in Melaka which is rapidly growing under his management. Abg alim had a beautiful girlfriend and was soon to get engaged to her if everythng went well. I remember chatting to him bout the store and see how ambitious he is about the whole bussiness plan for his future plans. I adore him for that too.

but i guess, God has better plans for him.

Selasa malam, Abg Alim was helping Pak Seman, his dad (my uncle) to tidy up the house. from the stories i heard, Abg Alim suddenly said to Pak Seman

"Ayah, kalau Alim mati, ayah tanam alim dekat2 dengan kubur ayah nanti tau"
Pak Seman was caught off guard and Adik Anne, (Alim's lil sis) menyampuk
"Oh kalau cmtu Anne takmau kubur sbelah Alim la.. Alim bising! tak aman nnt! heheheh"
Alim smiled and said jokingly "Tapi Alim nak kubur sbelah ayah, ayah kan org Masjid boleh Alim tumpang terang kubur nnt :)"

They all laughed and then have dinner and perform Isyak prayer together. After prayer, Abg Alim told Mak Lin (my aunt) hes off to the store to see how things are. He salam Mak Lin before keluar rumah and Mak lin asked "Ibu tngok Alim berseri-seri malam ni, nak jumpe sesiape ke?"
Abg Alim just smiled and take his motorbike and off he went.

And that was it. En route to his store, Abg Alim had an accident. He ran into a car straight ahead of him and was flung far away from his bike. He died on the spot. The body was retained from the hospital in perfect condition. mama said, its hard to believe he was in a road accident because there were no cuts or bruise anywhere. The doctors said the cause of death was severe internal heammorhage.
this is the best picture i could find of Abg Alim. It was my first raya away and nurul kirim this picture. This is not even half of nenek's cucu. But nenek has one less grand child now. And he, was standing 2nd from left.

Abg Alim selamat dikebumikan at the tanah perkuburan depan rumah nenek. Semoga ditempatkan bersama org2 beriman. Al-Fatihah.

Note to Self :gotta take it like a man

2009-05-11T22:02:00.006Z

or woman. for that matter.

The dreaded finals is coming. now stop mopping around pretending like youve got a whole lot of time in the world before it starts. time is gold. use it or lose it, its your call.gonna stop whining insyaallah and just try my best. wish me luck you guys.

p/s: to The Other Half, keep your head in the game. Everything else could wait :) All the best. love always.

kerisauan melanda

2009-04-29T22:47:00.005Z

tell me how much faster do i need to go.
cause the end of the tunnel just seems too far away.

Dearly Departed..

2009-04-20T22:25:00.007Z

my earliest recollection about arwah is when i was 5 or 6, arwah was still healthy and cheerful at that time. Growing up in Terengganu, Along and I are very fond of its delicacies. I love this one kuih called Nek Bat, its like kuih baulu eaten with syrup made of plain sugar. Along on the other hand, love another kuih called Akok.

My grandmother, or Chik, as her around 30++ cucus lovingly call her, pantang dgr kalau along or i merengek nak makan all these kuihs. i remember, every time balik Dungun, Chik would surely surely suurely buatkan along Akok and nek bat for me. it wasnt an easy job at all. i remember this one thing like a giant giling she used to painstakingly giling half a cup of beras at a time until it become fine powder, and mix it up with water, eggs and sugar and whatnot to make akok. As for the nek bat, Chik would patiently bake the cake using traditional dapur arang belakang rumah, red faced and berpeluh-peluh everytime.

once in a while if we were being good all day, Chik sometimes make us these grated dried kelapa muda n gula in those colourful paper tube, Saigon i think it is called or smthg.. or gula-gula tarik made from nisan, or some call it gula melaka. it was a feast everytime :)

Up until now, we could never find anything quite like chik's cookings anywhere we look, hi and lo, even the so called best akok/nek bat in town.

as we grow older though, arwahs health deteriotated. She had a combination of many old age diseases and started to have to use wheelchair to move around. my grand father, Tok Ki as we call him, had to renovate the house to make it easier for Chik to move around. The akok machine was given away, and the place where she used to bake my nekbat is turned into a small hut where Ki did carpentry to renovate the house.

Around that time too, i had to go away to boarding school and my relationship with Chik and Ki wasnt as close anymore. i went back only on occasions like raya or kenduri. Sometimes if mama or ayah call kampung pun, i rarely talk to them. most of the time, i was busy being self involved, being at that phase of so called adolescent.

Before i flew off here to the UK, i met Chik one last time. i remember there was only me and her in her room, i was making sure she took her meds and help her lie down on bed. I told her im going away to the UK. she asked me how long will i be here. I told her, insyaaallah, 5 years. that was when Chik smiled. She said, "baguslah angah, nnt balik jadik doctor bolehlah ubatkan Chik". I smiled back, with mixed feelings, mostly sadness. she pulled at my heartstrings with those words.

Little did i know, it was gonna be her last words to me.

ive been here for almost 9 months now. never once did i call Dungun to speak to Chik. I care for her deeply, everytime i call home, id ask mama n ayah bout her heatlh and all but never did i talk directly to her. Why, you ask me? i ask myself the same thing.

Mama called yesterday to tell me Chik has passed away. i hung up the phone feeling numb, but not sad. i felt empty. i didnt know what to feel.

only now, as i sat alone looking out the window, reciting Yaasin for her, im overwhelmed by all these memories. petty little memories come rushing back to me. and i cant seem to stop these tears from streaming down my cheeks.

and all thats left now, are those little pieces of memories.

Al-Fatihah.

good news!

2009-04-18T18:39:00.003Z

today at ASDA, i found HALAL yummy gummy bears by Haribo!

Hah!

try beating that!! na-na-nah-na-na :P

Amsterdam, Amsterdam.

2009-04-14T09:12:00.007Z

Its a place where i assure you would get to see (or even do, hay~ ;) ) things you'd never see (or do) anywhere else.

there was red light district. where we saw red curtained windows with exhibitions inside that would make you blush. where we experience being chased by a pros who speaks malay. and where we entered countless shops selling souvenirs with unimaginable shapes and sizes, cannabis cookies and even canna lollipop!

there was the dam square where the atmosphere is so lively and happy. it so happens that when we got there, there was a fun fair on the squre. the sweet smell of oversized cotton candy filled the air and the colourful lights at night with happy faces of children and lovers just makes you smile even after a tiring day strolling in the art museum. the more normal looking sovenirs sold here too, was a big plus point ;)

which brings me to the next point, the art museums. theres loads of artsy fartsy stuff in amsterdam. they have van gogh museum, rijksmuseum, monuments and a couple of photography museums. Though is was good fun at the first few paintings that we saw, how the interpret them and the meaning behind each stroke, trust me if you're not a big art lover, after a dozen of paintings, your feet will start to ache, head spins and you'd rather sit on the bench by the canal and watch as the people passes you by, mostly using bicycles :)

Holland is a beutiful and unique country to visit. In spring especially, the sea of blooming tulips would just take your breath away. Well as for me, maybe the people i go to Amsterdam with, is what makes the trip even more special an enjoyable. ;) thank you guys!
More pictures here
And random videos here
Enjoy, cause we sure did! :)

new found love

2009-03-29T12:40:00.009Z

for the iPhone 3G.

im gonna start my easter vacation tomorrow. upon coming back, we have a month before the final exam *shivers* i have around 70 letcures to read, understand and memorise and so far ive done... uhm... 5?
the plan is to revise while having fun. not a combination that usually works for me, but this time ive gotto do it, do or die. my phone is packed with nerdy doctory stuff like it always is, comes the holiday. the medic letcure podcasts from Cambridge and UCL is particularly helpful :) lets hope i make good use of it all on the go.

be back in two weeks time ppl

vaarwel en zie u!

Amsterdam, here i come!

the routine.

2009-03-23T22:28:00.007Z

I usually chop the vegs and meat.
The other two girls usually do the actual cooking.
The guy usually wash the dishes and take out the trash.

While doing our bit of work in preparing dinner, we'd sing. Or more like hum incohherently. Most often then not, the songs we sang will get stuck in my head. first it was I Belive I Can Fly. Then some Bollywood song. At one time, it was a silly song from Obama spoof called I Can Do Whatever I Like. You can find it on YouTube if youre interested. (i warned you, i t might get stuck in you head for days though). At one time it was Follow me by Uncle Kraker, (that happens during the boyfie's visit and i was singing while he was cooking :)) ) . And today, its a boyband song, The Shape of My Heart.

over dinner than, we would talk about anything under the sun. politics, entertainment, religions, food, Malaysia, families, and of course medic stuff. (oh BTW, i warn you again, most of the time, we selalu talk about very visual, gory, gross stuff over dinner) After dinner, we would bid each other goodnight, and settle to our rooms. For me, whatever that was talked on over the meal, that too would get stuck in my head. If we talked bout Malaysia or families, id enter the room feeling homesick :|. if it was medic-y stuff, i go in and opens my book, check the details; have i told them or what theyve told me was correct (nerd!). if its politics, or religions, i go on the net and read up thinking 'gosh,how ignorant could i be.' And okay, who am i kidding now. If its a hot gossip, well, i make calls to share the news :D

Dinnertime Chitchat is particularly important nowadays when im mentally dysfunctional. It got my brain to be active for about an hour or so. I woke up this past few days just to eat, watch series, make (unexecutable) revision plans for the holidays, eat and sleep again.

in short, I feel like a fat potato. *sigh* maybe i should ask them if they feel like fat potatoes too during dinnertime chitchat tomorrow. i hope its not just me.

guess what?

2009-03-19T14:21:00.005Z

ITS THE EASTER BREAK!!

time to rejuvenate the mundane, routine life, earthlings!

have fun, take care and don't forget the book aite?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :D

rekindling the childhood memory 2

2009-03-15T22:29:00.003Z

Dinner was good, the creme brulee was even better. tnx alifa ;) (and fiqry)

****
Since early 2001 to 2009 then, i never once met aina in the eye ever again. that is, until yesterday :D

although we were seperated miles and miles away, once in a while aina and i did keep in touch, be it a simple friendster msg or a hi or two on facebook. Aina and i both pursue our dreams, to be doctors. Last time i heard, aina got an offer to egypt right after SPM and me, i did my a levels for two years and come here to UK.

couple of weeks back, Aina added me up on facebook and told me shes coming to the UK. i was elated and began filling her bits here and there, aiding her in planning her grande trip to UK. She and 2 other frens form alex uni started their holiday after their exam and after a few destinations, they came here to Notts yesterday :)

i showed aina n her friends around in notts, (tho there really was nothing to show around pon actually) and we had lunch and do some catching ups. They slept over at my house and we cooked dinner together.

Though they only spent barely a day in Notts, (hey i dont blame them ;)) i really had a good time. i remember aina as a petite, witty bright and sweet girl and after 9 years, she hasnt changed a bit. We spend time sort of talked about what have happened to us in the past 9 years over kitchen counters, during pillow talk and over breakfast this morning. we talked about the primaary school days and it amazed me how much aina remembers. Well i guess, my memory never is very good anyways. sorry aina!

As we part ways again, Aina to continue her holiday in Manchester and London, and me, back to my monday blues, i cant help but to feel a twinge of sadness when i send them off to the bus station. Her visit had bring so many childhood memories back, playing in my head and i sigh thinking how far i now am from those carefree days when my only fear is when i see the hospital van coming and its time for the dentist/angry nurses again.

boy, remember what the mean kids told you bout how scary BCG was gonna be?

:) ahh... i just love those days!

rekindling the childhood memory.

2009-03-15T21:07:00.003Z

i am a '89 baby. but for 10 years now out of my 19 years of living, i am usually surrounded by mostly '88 babies. i go to class with them, learn, laugh, cry and fight with them. there was this one test (i believe it has been abolished now for some reasons) by the education system then that let, the konon bright kids to skip darjah 4 and go straight to darjah 5. remember, you guys?

it was very hard at first. i remember going into the standard 5 class, 5 Mutiara, and all eyes were on me. the kids all had their own little clique of frinds and all sat together in the isle seats arranged in 6 desks per group and all seats but a couple at the back of class were empty. i keep my eyes on the floor, walk slowly and took a seat quietly. the mean kids then resume whatever they were doing. some lawan main eraser, some main tutup botol, batu seremban and some main tac-tac-toe.. me, i just sat there not knowing what to do.

Science lesson was particularly hard. kids in primary school started learing science in darjah 4, but i dont have a darjah 4. i dont have basics in science and though mama and ayah send me to tuition class to catch up on science, i still feel inferior.

few days into the year 1999, a new girl registered to the school and was placed in the same class as mine. she was from Dungun, if i remember correctly and had to pindah sebab ikut her dad pindah kerja. well as fated, the girl, aina, sat beside me. it so happens, aina too, was an 89 baby and together, we became the outcast in our own class. us against those little mean kids of 5mutiara.

me and aina were the bestest of friends. during recess, we ate our packed lunch together, study sama2 and kadang copy jawapan homework sama2. we even sleepover at each others house and got know each others family.

it was the mid year exam i think that pretty much change how things were. well aina is a very smart girl to say the least. in the exam, aina and i got the top two rank in the batch. and suddenly, everybody wants to be our friends. the mean kids were no longer mean and we even started to get posts and became prefects and get to be in competitions. i remember i represented the school in spelling bee competiton (what are the odds eh, with spelling mcm ni!) and aina masuk pertandingan bercerita :) well to put it simply, we were by then, the cool kids to hang round with ;) heheheh. among the new friends, Ain, and Ely were the other two girls that sort of have the same wavelength as mine and aina's and we then became the famous four.

after darjah enam though, me aina ely and ain went separate ways. i had to go to langkawi, aina, ely and ain, all went to different boarding schools. i remember taking picture on our last day at primary school infront of dewan besat after the prize giving ceremony where all four of us get to sit close to each other as we four conquered the top 10 rank in the batch or best in subjects smthng like that. ah, how i wish i still have the picture!

** ive gotto go, alifa panggil dinner. will continue in a bit!

Ahhh...

2009-03-04T23:31:00.001Z

I am so proud of you!

you know who you are :)

feeling detached

2009-03-01T21:31:00.007Z

i went to do groceries with Jannah at Aldi today. we walked home with two big bags of stuff and each one of us carried one. my other hand was holding a small bag with a few bars of chocs and biscuits.

so anyways, while i was walking, halfway down the road, Jannah half screamed, telling me to stop, and stop i did, dead on my tracks, letting go of the heavy load i was carrying, shocked. my hand felt sticky and i looked at her quizzically. she looked down to the bag i was carrying and i averted my gaze down. and boy, fresh warm red blood was trickling down the bag. i look at my hands and oddly, both palms have cut marks and blood was all over almost all of my fingertips. the cuts are deep, and long, almost 2cm. but i didnt feel sakit at all. sgt pelik heyyy!

alright, so the bag on my right hand was damn heavy thus maybe the cut but why was my left palm bleeding too?

jannah handed me her gloves i put it on and jannah help carried the small bag. she insisted to carry both of it but i dont want her to tercirit kat tengah jalan pulak nnt. heavy okay.

hehe

so yeah then we continued back home, me hugging the big bag and quieter than usual, puzzled with what just happened.

back at home then, i dropped almost everything i was holding on to. the stupid wilko spatula, the spoons, a tub of half a litter of yoghurt, splattering strawberrry cream everywhere in my room and every single thing i got hold of.

did i tell you i dropped almost everything i was holding on to?

sigh. what a day.

***EDITED***

ps- but some things are just too precious, that are worth it to hold on to tightly even when things get hard. as a matter of fact, you need it more when things get hard!

like a bottle of Frijj, or a tub of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough maybe?

those are things i woulndt ever let go off, even if i have plasters on all forefingers :D

being nostalgic

2009-02-22T12:26:00.004Z

this is random, read on if youve got nothing better to do.

have you ever tried googling your name up? well i just did, tadi. okay okay, a bit narcissistic, i know but hey, cant blame a girl for being bored (and to be honest, a little curios ;)) now can you?

the first one that came out, jeng jeng jeng, of course, the ever manipulative social networking facebook profile of mine. speaking of which, did you guys know facebook dropped a clause in their term and cond.s of using the service which allows them to have full rights over users' uploded pictures, notes, wall posts, and basically, everything, even if we deleted our accounts? well, after some commotion, they agreed to put this matter on hold, but also make it claer that it is only temporary, before they continue with the plan. cunning hmm? so yeah just keep in mind to be cautious of what you upload on FB. you dont want it to affect you fitness to practice or anything like that in the future nanti.

anyway, thats actually besides the point. the second thing that came out from google is something titled 'Hall of Fame' with my name listed. ;) I clicked on it and it was actually a website launced by my english teacher, with 'samples of excellent essays' or so he named it.

i read back thru the supposed to be excellent essay which i couldnt remember writing, im guessing this is from 5/6 years back, and wonder how the heck it was there? it was nowhere near as good as the rest but i guess, maybe its not too much if i say favouritism did occur, and maybe it was there just because some of the the teachers did actually like me. and it actually made me smile, that awfully too-cautios, rigid and trying-too-hard essay ;)

i dont know why im writting this. it just suddenly gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, walking down memory lane. looking back, i had a heck of a five year experience in my former MRSM. tho it wasnt all rainbows and butterflies, i love the place.

It was where i grew up, where i met wonderful friends like ainul amirah caca yaz milo n zayen whom still make it a point to keep in touch with each other. it was the place where i learn a lot about friendship and help me through adolescence (ok i sound freakily old now) and also developed me intelectually.

Rights, rights, who am i kidding now, of course, it was also the place where i got to know Zul. tho we only talked on average twice a year at that time, but Nature sure has a way to surprise you. Sometime good news, inevitably, sometime bad news. But till then, you just cherished the past,
cruise thru life and just you wait :)

the post at which i started using tags!

2009-02-17T21:40:00.012Z

i went to london last weekend. many thought the occasion was Valentine's Day but it was actually not quite that. 15th Feb was the boyfriend's 21st birthday, a big thing, so i want to be there at least for the day. Ash (the Brain) helped me planned a surprise party for him. the Brawn were obviously Eg and Hamid, and well, me, i was just the Beauty i guess ;P hahahahha! the whole thing went perfectly well. Hatherley 2 was pack with happy faced, smiley, pot-bellied people, both invited ones and the much welcomed party crashers :D thank you everybody!

this calls for a shoutout :)

Happy 21st Birthday Zul.
You're one in a million, you know that?

love always. :)

ive gotto get back to anatomy now. ttyl ppl!

2009-02-11T13:05:00.001Z

ريسولث وس اوت فيو دايس بچق. الل اس ڬود. الحمدلله :)

epic failure? you tell me

2009-02-08T18:56:00.008Z

before you start giving me mean critics and stuff, bear in mind this is my 1st try baking choc cake (yes, it is a choc cake!) without mama's watchful eyes on me and expert opinion guiding me.

so here, let the pics do the talking it all seem to be alrigt at first but after an hour, the middle part sort of sunk down. i tried to cover it up with chocolate topping but the choc decided to act up and jadik berketul2 :( it makes the cake look even more uhm.. sad.. so finally i decided to cut out the mid part, and well..

they said, the rest is history

ok, to be fair, it actually does taste good ok?

tak percaya sudah!

:'(

there is still hope for the world

2009-02-01T23:30:00.007Z

i looked out the window and the night has started to quiet down. the thick snow has pretty much covered the whole pavement, car tops and driveways. the white, untouched flakes makes me smile.

a guy and a girl emerged holding hands out from their flat. ive seen the girl before, i think she lives just below my flat. but never seen the guy. maybe hes the boyfriend that came for a visit. their footsteps left footprints on the white snow, little 4 patches, 2 and 2 , side by side, against the white, vast, icy cold snow.

they walked slowly but the girl slipped down to the ground, onto the soft white snow. she just lie there and laughed. He smiled, extended his hand. the girl took it and instead of getting up, she pulled him down with her, they lie there side by side and just let the snow fall on them.

i sighed, and drew a heart shape on the water vapor on the glass window pane from my warm breath.

:)

mind blowing

2009-01-29T17:51:00.007Z

the amount of work that we have to do now is mind boggling. funny how i thought first sem was hectic.

no complaints here though, pretty much enjoying it so far :)

less updates until i get the hang of this.

till then, toodles.

2009-01-22T00:21:00.007Z

Nottingham Famous Four ;)

the flatmates (plus one). all pictures were taken by each other in the course of 6 days back to back exam week without any of us realising we were being photographed. so this is no act.

i really was, holding my brain in place so it didnt jump out n fiqry really was pushing all the information into his head. jannah was really trying to absorb the facts during the eleventh hour and hey, yeah, alifa was really that calm :D

it was an oh-so-stressfull week (we even had a paper on Saturday) that a girl in our class had a nervous breakdown during the exam and ambulance had to be called to rescue her..

now that its over, we were given a week off!

ow yeah, we deserve this :)

exams over, rejoice earthlings!

***
london's calling!

VERY short term memory

2009-01-14T20:59:00.010Z

if you must know, most of the time im not particularly good at remembering. be it remembering names, facts, happening, and worst of all, routes and spaces. Oh, trust me ive got lots of people to testify this. even i once couldnt give the direction to my own house to the boyfriend on our first-ish date and he wanted to send me home. *doink*

in fact, one of the reasons i started this blog is so i can read back what happened say 3 years back. who i was, what happened, how i felt and how i feel bout it now. break ups, flings, exams, a new phase of life, anger, happiness, tears, i want to capture everything if possible. thus, no wonder im a sucker at blogging the littlest thing that happened to me. because i have VERY short term memory.

oh, i digress..

anyhoo, the intention earlier of writing this post is to write bout the italy story again actually. it revolves around me and my memory loss thus the above ramblings i guess. here goes the part two, Italy story.

so me milo n the new zealand girl chatted bout all sorts of things and i was elated to find out she too, was actually a medical student, and in final year at that too! cool eh? we chat and chat until finally the lights were switched off, its time for bed, we all settled to our beds, me the lower bunk next to the NZ girl and milo took the top bunk.amidst the darkened room, when i was about to fall asleep, then...

Milo (suara sakit) : Laila, i sakit tekak la... u ada ubat?
Laila: Nope, tak de.. hmm maybe bole tnya die (refering to the fifth year med student) msti die ada
M: Ha.. betul2.. tanyakan pls?
L: ok! uhm... cop! i lupa! apa nama die?

M: hmmm (thinking how to say in a not so obvious way)
M: hm... nama.. stesen kerata api kat london tu..
L: VicFIcToFoRiaFia?
M: Yup!
L: I thought it was VeFeRoFoNiFiCaFa?
M: hahaha tu pompuan lagi satu la, MoFoNiFiCaFa
L: Are you sure?
M: Hehe ye la.. try la..
L: im pretty sure its not nama stesen keretapi tu la La..?
M: Yee!
L: Takk?
M: Ye la Laaaa!
L: fine2.. i tnya kan....
L (nervously saying to the NZ girl) : uhmmmmm, Victoria....? (please god please, xsalah!)
V: Yeas?

*sighs of relief*

:D

thanks miloo!

Italy Story

2009-01-13T15:41:00.007Z

my brains pretty messed up now i need a break.

When we were in Rome, we spent one night in a Youth Hostel, called Yellow. The area is pretty dodgy but its close to the Metro Station so we didnt mind that much. Plus, the dorm is pretty cosy and the interior is cool, so it wasnt too bad actually.

upon arriving, we were told that they couldnt put all four of us in a room so they might have to split us up. And we were also informed that all rooms are shared rooms. tho a bit unsettled, we didnt have any choice i guessed.

when the rooms were allocated, i got to be in the same room with Milo, the other two roomates are both females, Monica from the States, and Victoria from New Zealand. Ainul and Yaz got placed together too, but they had to share it with a guy, and another girl (nationalities unsure)

So milo and I checked in, settled down and we noticed the tell tale sign that one girl is already in. but she isnt in, prolly out somewhere wandering the streets of Roma or crawling in the numerous Pubs in proximity to our hostel. As for us, the freezing night and dodgy area makes us decide to call it a day.

anyway... a few minutes later, a girl came in. i was putting on layers and layers of clothes as it was freezinnn cold!

here was the conversation, sort of la, that took place...

Milo: Oh, hello there! (shakes hands) Im Amila and thats Lyla. whats ur name?
Victoria: Oh, hi! Im Victoria, where are you lots form?
Laila: Malaysia, and you?
V:NZ and btw, its summer in there!
*smiles exchanged*
V: So youre on vacation in Rome? For how long?
M: Round 2 weeks, but not just Rome, we're plannig to cover the whole Italy!
V: oh, i see!
L: so.. uhm... ure on vacation as well i assume?
V: well..Yeas (as in Yeast)
L: Yeast?? (blurr)
V: Yeas (smiles)
M and L: *exchange glances* (silence, thinking)
L (telepathically): i think she meant YES!
M: *nods, telepathically too*
L: So, how long will you be here, Victoria?

*** and continues chatting

:DD i wanna go down under someday! Aussie, NZ! wanna go there pulak!

Yeas i do! :D

2009-01-11T17:56:00.003Z

exam starts tomorrow.

*gulp*

O Allah, grant my friends and I calmness of the heart and brightness of the mind like that of Your messenger Muhammad, and success at the end of the day. Verily, You are the Most Merciful, Most Beneficient.
Ameen.

arriverderci, italia!

2009-01-07T07:25:00.004Z

Italy was more then i imagined it would be. funner, dodgier, worse, better and in a nutshell, awesom-er! ill upload the pics first thing when the exams over.

we had so much fun and adventure in Italy, i wud definitely treasure this for the rest of my life. i uploaded some random clips we took to youtube bout the trip. tho it did no justice to the sights and sounds of italy, but go have a look. i know you want to!

much love!

2008-12-25T17:50:00.000Z

ciao bella!

delimma

2008-12-23T14:44:00.002Z

i need fast fun facts bout Italy. pronto!

i am suppose to be going to London tomorrow to meet up with the girls and then fly off to italy on the 26th for the supposedly adventurous trip with my sidekicks.

but i am suppose to have read and finish studying before going, which i haven't.

so

i need fast fun facts bout Italy. pronto!

fyi..

2008-12-20T23:13:00.003Z

turns out, my best girlfriends dont use short forms..

the other day, milo didnt know BFF stands for what
and today, yaz asked me what is ROTFL

:) you sure can count on this type of buddies to make you smile even on gloomiest days

ps- 4 days left and im only 30% done with revision. and im coming down with the flu, and a mild fever. but its ok, the tough gets going, remember?

pps- watched twilight. vampires are HOT. period.

*** edited

ow, wait.. ke i yg too geeky to understand what it means?
(O_o)

note to self

2008-12-20T10:09:00.001Z

when the going gets tough,
the tough gets going.

hang in there, supergirl.

quickie

2008-12-14T09:24:00.005Z

yes i do, indeed :)

i had a kickass visit to london last weekend and i love the atsmosphere (but NOT the dirty air mind you) especially this near Xmas time. also, I finally indulge in my cravings for Malaysian food, thanks to Malaysian Hall and Ash (the bf's sister). Not to mention halal Nando's and Subway by our doorstep. We did some sovenir shopping for Zul to take back home for the family. And a night out visiting the touristy stuff, braving the drizzly rain and take shelter under the bridge. :) it was so beautiful with the lights, christmas markets, the humongous eye on London, the Big Ben and parliament. The pictures i took wouldnt do justice to it so folks, go for yourself, its very romantic and well worth it :)

I came back to Notts almost a 100pounds poorer, a big wide smile for the rest of the week, a bouquet,and untarnishedable mood (at least until hodiday begun)
Becauseee, now that holiday has begun, and many people either went back home alrady, or, has started their winter vacation, theres only me left. Zul is back home *sobs*. Alifa and Fiqry will start their vacation today, to Oxford and Cambridge and London and Jannah is at Pisa.

As for me, im gonna stay here in lovely Nottingham sampai the 24th, then off to Italy until (almost) the end of the break! :D. the bad news however is that i will have a big fat 6papers as soon as the holidays over and i have no choice but to bust my ass off and work HARD this few weeks.

rough calculation shows i have round plus minus 110 chapter to read and memorise.. (welcome to med school laila) hehee pls pray i x pecah kepala.

So yeah, no updates for a very, very long time i think. As for now, toodles, enjoy you holidays.

ps- Salam Aidiladha to all Muslims and Merry Xmas to all Christians.

xoxoox

feelings

2008-12-09T00:04:00.004Z

helplessness
remember the first time you tried putting contact lenses on? the time where self consciousness tells you that you look better without glasses. or you started to realise how restricting having a specs on are. your vision is limited to the size of the glasses, the frames starts to feel so suffocating. with this in mind, did you remember how you tried and tried to put the damn lenses in but your eyes kept blinking and you keep having to rinse the lenses, 'fraid you might have contaminate it with ur dead skin cells form your forefingers. and this goes on over and over and over again.. remember?

******

until, this one time you did actually made it to put the lenses in, and you can see clearly, so very clearly and you smiled.

have i told you

2008-11-24T23:11:00.004Z

-that it snowed a few days back?
i woke up to Jannah's scream telling me to look out the window. And god, it was beautiful :) i had a big smile pasted on my face (almost) for the rest of the day. i was so jakun, after subuh i terus went down to snap some pictures and to just, well, touch the snow :D hehe.

-that snow is a bit overrated actually?
ok. so it is beautiful and magical (when you see snowflakes raining down on you) but, the cold plus the puddle it creates when it melts is a bit messy. it gets your socks wet too sometimes. (which reminds me i ought to get a good pair of boots before winter comes)

-that my first term as a medical student is almost over?
yes. unbelieveable kan? time sure flies. soon, its winter break already, holidays, then the dreaded exams.

-that the British is so big on taking care of the environment and recycling and things like tht?
you even have to bring your own plstic bags (actually, scratch that) paper bags, to supermarkets to put your groceries in.

-that shops in the UK close so early its starting to bother me now

-that i kinda think Barry Stinson from How I Met Your Mother is le-gen (wait for it, wait for it..) DARY!

-that nerds, British accent and iPhone 3g, among other things, are sexayh~?
:D-that im so hungry right now i cud eat a cow. or myself! :D

out!

sometimes u get what u wished for, and a little more :)

2008-11-16T22:48:00.007Z

like a birthday card from a flatmate u rarely talk to 'cept for those occasional 'hey-ya-ya-alryte?'

or a box of that groovy lamp uve always wanted.

and prolly a surprise trip to the ice rink

add to that a perfect romantic chocolate cheese cake with chocolate shaped in roses topping.

a hearty good dinner with your favourite ppl at a turkish restaurant

and just having the apple of your eye around for the next couple of days, which was excatly what i wished for.

:)

my birthday was so full of surprises i cant thank each and everyone of you enough (including the minah salleh tht accidently pushed me at the ice rink and officially give me my 1st fall on ice rink, humph :p) for making it sangat memorable. :)

and now laila, its time to act 19!

2008-11-14T17:17:00.005Z

its tomorrow!

2008-11-13T21:22:00.003Z

i was a bit blue few days back. really, its just a petty thing but its that time of the month, you know.. plus the realisation that im a bit behind in class and my tired body wont co-operate to do stay ups and revisions... sigh.

but, yesterday..

'don't be too bothered bout it, you've got me. and i've got you' - him, early morning phone call.

and it kinda made my day :)

and,tomorrow...

tomorrow will be better hopefully.

i must make my day!

fall season..

2008-11-12T00:11:00.002Z

this it what that does to you

2008-11-09T20:29:00.005Z

i cant even begin to describe how hectic it was. medics had the friday off so me n the flatmates plus one decided to go sightseeing in warwick and stop by at cadbury world which is in bournville, birmingham, on the way back. we came back straight after birm and arrived back in notts late evening. packed up my stuff n slept over at zayen to meet caca and so its nearer to go to sports centre the folowing day. which brings me to the next phase of the hecticness, the Nottingham Malaysian Games. i was one of the head officials for netball. it was raining tht day and i stayed outside from 7am to 3pm without sitting for even a while, roughly speaking. then, i had some guests over tht night. (sorry guys for poor hospitality). at least i gotta cook proper meal for yaz and tumi, well i guess we can call it tht, proper meal, since we havent really eat btul2 since the day before. tho it cant beat what the warwick friend cooked for us, it filled us up for the evening. i then sent my guests back at the rail station just now n here i am, blogging bout it.

u follow me? no? the point issss, im so penat, badan dah macam sayur! heheh

still, i know im going to bed tonight with that warm n fuzzy feeling in my heart, having met all best friends (and boyfriend) and get to talk to all after quite a while xjumpe. alep, wan, ali pon ada. to the guy friends, sorry xsempat catch up i gila occupied tht day. n to my girls, i had fun with u all, endless juicy gossips and girl talks and all. my only regret is tht we didnt have the chance to take pictures together. me yaz milo caca zayen.. shoot thts almost cukup korum ok ppl? what laaa...next time, ok? insyaallah :D

hey, come back, i miss ur spaghetti :(

2008-10-27T20:10:00.009Z

zul was here in notts over the weekends. we didnt do much really, jalan2, shopped for groceries, laze around and chat, watched hoodwinked (best gila), drillbit taylor (predictable) and guess what? he cooked for us!

gila terror ok, hands down hes a better cook than i am.

there were 7 of us, 4 tuan rumah and 3 guests, zul included. He cooked 2 western dish for us. chicken chop, and spaghetti. it was almost 3 oclock, sume dah lapar gila, xmakan dari pagi.. hehe

I : Hey (eats the chicken chop) sedap la (then spaghetti) u masak
Zul : naah.. korg jugak tolong
I : its ur recipes tho, (drinks, munch on doritos) serious~
Fatin : A'ah la Zul. Selain chicken chop and spaghetti u terrer masak apa lagi?
Zul : I cant cook malay dish sgt.. western bole la skit2
Fiqry : Ye lah org london
Zul : (sheepishly) hehe xla.. malay dish leceh seriously.
I: (spaghetti again) so, what else besides these? (nyum3)
Zul: welll.... i can cook this... uhm... apa nama die eh...
I: pizza?
Someone I Cant Really Remember Who: Fish n chips?
Zul: bukan2 die macam cake, ada lapis2.. hmmm
I: huh? cake? lapis? cake lapis lapis?
Zul: yeahhh.. yg cheese n meat then lapis lapis lapis then bake
Ramai2: ohhhh
I: (stops eating, stares at him jaw dropped) U CAN COOK LAGSANA?
Zul: Haaaa Lagsana! yup thts it!
I: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa im SO gonna marry you!

Fiqry and the rest : HAHAHAHHAHAH

doink~
ps- it just occured to me this is the only pic of Zul i ever posted here... kan? hehehe *blush, signs off*

weekend

2008-10-24T22:14:00.006Z

OTK (oh tuhan ku!) i just realised i actually have 2 followers! hahh sgt flattered ok :D

first off to milo n NH, i malas sgt nak buat tag u all. i cudnt find the weekend tag on NH's page (hehe baik punya alasan) n milo's tag is so leceh. i have to list 10 fav foods la, 10 things i do when im happy la. i dont have tht much of things tht i do when im happy i guess. usually i sengih n become a bit hyper n crazy. sometimes i sing or call someone randomly and borak2.hokayh n thts not even 10 yet. so i guess the tag is irrelevant to me.

i just wanted to post a few pictures tht i took in crowden, manchester last weekend. i find it so cute

:) just brings a smile to my face everytime i read and teringt the serenity of the park. comel kan? turns out org putih pon pandai pantun tau!

her last words to me..

2008-10-19T19:21:00.005Z

"hye lyla :) thank u. right now i'm ready to fight whatever may come, with Allah and everyone on my side :). keep me in your prayers kay. thanks for your support.:)"

******

she was only 20, full of life and always cheerful even when cancer got her. she had a big talent and a big heart to match. she was one of the bravest person ive ever known and she fought till her last breath. I admire your courage and im truly sorry for not having the chance to get to know you better for the years we've known each other. I will keep u in my prayers Insyaallah. May you rest in peace Ser.

Al-Fatihah for the graceful soul of Arwah Wan Maisara Amira. Moga di tempatkan di tmpt org2 beriman. Amin.

just what i needed

2008-10-15T13:36:00.003Z

i have some good stuff here.Click here and quote one that you like the best.

heres mine

'Your best work is you expressing yourself. Now, you might not be the greatest at it, but when you do it, you're the expert in it'
-Frank Gehry

:)

oh, bugger.

2008-10-11T08:29:00.002Z

i slept late last nite, round about 1.40 am kot. was trying to be studious but ended up bergayut dgn mama then with the boyfriend (blame uber fast internet connection here and my 600 free minutes on my mobile plan!). (-_-) so typical of me i guess. i know i'll have to change.

so anyways, i vaguely remembered i had quite a nice dream tau. smthng pasal goumet food and fine dining restaurant. thennn, tiba2! i was woken up by a freaking loud alarm. it was gila kuat ok, macam u duduk sebelah ambulance. i literally joltd up, and was feeling so confused. is it my alarm clock?, i thougt and checked, nope, its not ringing. (and i also noted its 3.30 in the morning). i even checkd my phone, ingt kan tu alarm kat phone. it took me round 30 seconds gak to realise it was actually the fire alarm that was ringing! hahah. gila mamai.

in normal condition, i'd have always assume it was only a drilll and would take my own sweet time to get down to the asssembly point. but after many talk bout safety and fire i was made to attend, i assumed it was a real fire and rushed down. kind of rush la. i wasnt dressed appropriately to terus turun obviously. so i put on a my coat and wear my scarves and lari3 turun. 50% of the dwellers dah ada kat bawah so i did pretty ok la kot. kalau betul2 terbakar n 50% selamat, id be among the selamat ones. yeay!

so there we were, all selebet and mamai, waited for 5 mins until the alarm went off, and all of us return back to our bedrooms to sleep for the rest of the night. the mat sallehs were all cursing, xpuas hati knapa drill malam2.

i was annoyed jugak la obviously. but come to think of it, fire cud happen whenever whereever kan, so xpelah, layan je lah fire drill tuh.

but still! if it wasnt a drill at all, and instead was some drunkard accidently setting the alarm off pagi2 buta tuh, i hope thay get convicted and rot in prison.

humph. now let me catch some sleep, please.

selamat hari raya

2008-10-07T22:26:00.009Z

oh what the heck, raya kan sebulan, xboleh lambat sikit? ;)

many ppl has been asking me whats it like, my 1st raya far,far away from the ones i love. i thoungt its not gonna be much differance but when i 1st heard the takbir raya in the university musolla, i did my very best to held back n blink back my tears.the answer is quite simply, to put it mildly, raya away from family is very sad.

unlike malaysia, we here in nottingham raya a day earlier and on the raya day itself, i have full letcures, from 9 to 5 consisting of serious stuff like Human Development, Molecular Basis of medicine and even boring stuff like public health and evidence based medicine.

yes! we wore baju kurung tht day to calss. it was very windy tht day n it was super cold but lantak la i nak rayaaaa, xkesahhhh..

then balik2 terus selsema. hahah

later tht night, we did some kind of open hse and called the medics to makan2 at our place. it turnd out to be pretty fun and rasalah sikit macam raya. the following day, barulah ktorg ada free time and went beraya to the seniors house. there was also malaysian soc nyer party n islamic soc nyer eid celebration. tho it was nothing close to celebrating raya with family member, at least we all, stick together for the early raya days and bersedih n bergembira bersama2. for the weekends, fiqry alifa n i went down to london to meet up with the others n beraya kat malaysian hall pulak. this one feels a bit more raya like, with the songs, kekecohan, and oily malaysian food.

i also get to see the boyfriend again after so long. he kept me accompanied thruout my stay in london and it felt so good to spent days like this with someone very close to heart. i also got to meet his sister and we went out for a hearty big dinner malam raya ke 4 tuh :)

back at notts, some warwick friends also came down to notts for raya celebration and we did quite a bit of jalan2 malam2 raya to pg to fun fairs and stuff, just to keep the happy mood going. so yeah, thts pretty much how raya is like for me this year...

come to think of it, we all work hard to make raya feels like raya over here. despite everything, at times, i still feels tht void in my heart when i listen to the lagu2 raya.

has raya loses its magic?

or maybe its just the time of the month for me..

selamat hari raya, readers, maaf zahir dan batin...

here we go..

2008-09-28T15:48:00.002Z

the feeling i got on the first day of walking into the hospital as a medical student was priceless . the receptionist asked 'may i help u, love? are you a new medical student?' i nodded and she showed me the way to medical school. i tell you, it was surreal.

and on that note, i sure hope i know what im getting myself into.

classes officially begin tomorrow, wish me luck frens.

pictures

2008-09-21T22:08:00.015Z

nothing much but thats it for now. :) the pictures above are in chronological order. most of them were taken in london. my personal fav is the last pic where i was holding Mr Beeston's hand (assuming tht his name, thuus the name of the town) Mr. Beeston was looking at his bee hive at the statue next to the one im sitting at while i was coaxing him to look at me. Guess the honeys bees beat me there.

inhale deeply, baby

2008-09-15T14:03:00.002Z

ohmigod, its london air! :) alhamdulillah the flight landed safely and im now in malaysian hall, peeps! im loving london so much so far! ive been her for two days and am trying to live the londoners life ;) yesterday we went to kensington n hydes park and the view was on so breathtaking. ill post pictures later as we're limited to only 20 minutes of internet usage and i only have 5 more minutes left!

oh oh td i went to oxford street n got myself this geogorus top for like, £2! :D heee seronok2. i have so much to tell, so little time, updates lter okayh :P n have i told u guys the tube here is superrr fast? hahah ktm tu kire cm kura2 la kalau nak compare.

well as much as im enjoying my time here, to say that i dont miss home at all will be a lie. smlm i woke up for sahur n took a few seconds to realised where i was. we sahured with roti n a glass of milk je. tgh2 sahur the boyfriend texted me andi suddenly miss msia so very much i cried a bit. oh well, i hope the homesickness will go away with the more shopping i do ;)

ill be off to nottos tomorrow 1st thing in the morning. hope everything is fine in notts n i pray hard i'll continue to like UK as much as i do now.

the kakak is calling me already. gotto go,

lotsa love from london. :)

2008-09-12T17:08:00.003Z

alhamdulillah my preparation is finally finalised. if all is well, i'll be leaving tomorrow at 234o malaysian time.

my bags are packed. the weight limit is 20kilos actually but my bag is 27kgs and the boyfriend is gonna bring anther 4kilos or so on the 20th. quoting amirah, 'cemana bag awak berat sangat? baju awak kan kecik2 je?' (T_T) hehe.. i guess its the food plus electrical appliences plus the tebal2 clothes kot. plus, my bag kosong alone is already 6kilos! anyway i hope the abg jaga counter check in is easily seduced or else i'll go there foodless n maybe a dozen or so clothes less. fiqry said hes gonna bring 4kilos of food, and that should help :D hehe fiqry, sorryla 4kilo tu takkan tahan setahun punya, sharing is caring my friend :)

im currently feeling so mixed up. happy and excited on one hand, sad and nervous on the other. i realised that this is gonna be a big turning point in my life and i hope it will change me to be a wholly better person. this experience will hopefully prepare me for the cold harsh world outside and if anything, i know i should embrace this moment.

goodbye family, goodbye friends (n foes). please pray for me n keep in touch. im surely gonna miss malaysia like hell (no matter how hell-ish the politics gets or how bad the traffic jam is, or how mahal harga minyak is), i still call this boleh land home.

lastly, i mintak maaf kat semua hujungrambut hujung kaki, selamat berpuasa and salam aidilfitri *sobs*

wait for me, ill be back ppl, hopefully as Dr. Laila :) insyaallah!

ps- to raja amila raja azahar, happy birthday girl. :) ure one of a kind n love u much.

random

2008-09-07T22:00:00.001Z

just something i tried on wordle.com. it displays the most words i used in recent entries.

*sigh*